Grateful for An Amazing October 2018

It has been a very longed time since I blogged in this space. I will do another blog post to cover that soon. Here is my offering for this month.

I am beyond thankful

I am grateful

My gratitude is overflowing in praise

Like a fountain jetting heavenwards

October 2018 has been amazing with memory-making moments

beyond my wildest imaginations.

A month of growing deeper roots

A month of intimate communion and fellowship

A month of an increasing revelation of the knowledge of God’s will

That has been my greatest desire for the month;

the recompense and restoration my soul desperately longed for.

October 2017 was memorable,

but not in the way I could have ever imagined

I watched dreams consumed in fire

Expectations laid in cinders of hurts and disappointment

I writhed in the pain of false accusations and vilification

I groaned in voiceless cry

Many nights, my tears flowed unstoppable

Though I knew they were stored up in a bottle before God

and recorded in His Book of remembrance,

I didn’t want them, not in October, not ever.

What was my crime?

What was my offence that I should be cut down and shredded in tiny pieces?

My heart longed for an answer as the pain I never knew possible

seared like a hot blade through deep places within me.

That was when I knew without any doubt that hurting people hurt others.

You run a risk of getting hurt when you hug a porcupine.

The sharp edges of their jagged broken pieces can inflict untold pain.

I had two option;

Heal, Arise and Shine

or Let offense fester and become bitter.

I couldn’t afford to trade my years in God’s sacred school of brokenness

for the emptiness of self-vindication.

To let offense fester and become bitter was too costly to be an option

I chose to heal, to arise and to shine.

As months went by

I watched God’s gold of grace infused into the lines of my brokenness

until it shone with brilliance.

I learnt that God could make beautiful things from my broken pieces.

He did so in a painstaking way;

the healing was slow but determined and definite.

He lifted my head like the horn of the unicorn

He turned towards me and smiled at me

He filled me with joy beyond description

He gave me mighty deliverance and victory

in places I never imagined

When October 2018 showed up in the horizon

I had only one desire;

To experience God in a brand new and refreshing way

unmarred with pain or tears.

I wanted to be free to share the testimony of His faithfulness

I desired to speak of His amazing goodness to me unhindered.

He opened doors for me to do that.

I can testify that God’s finger reached down to deep places

only He could reach

His touch like soldering gun joined together my broken pieces.

His beauty shone through the lines of my healed brokenness

His fingers scripted a new chapter in His story of my life

New Psalms flowed out of my caves of solitude

You can never vindicate yourself

Don’t bother to try

The only One who is perfect and just in all His ways

is the only One who vindicates

He fights the battle for us in the places where we have no strength

He is the advocate who defends the helpless and the hurting

I have experienced the goodness of God in the last 12 months,

in ways I could never have imagined or foreseen.

I found diamond along the shores beaten by fierce storms

I saw hope glittering with unfading light in a dark tunnel

I heard God’s favor speaking for me where I had no voice

I experienced His mighty arm stretched out to carry me above mountains

Crushed, hard pressed and squeezed,

I am oozing with fragrant oil of hope and grace.

I will embrace the great fights for they produce great faith

I will embrace the great tests for they are the precursors of great testimonies

I will not run from great trials for with them comes great triumphs.

I am full of testimonies

I am full of gratitude

My heart overflows with adoration

My praise is gushing like a fountain

from a heart that has experienced

the healing and restoration only God can accomplish.

I will give thanks to God

for His goodness and wonderful works to me,

His precious daughter.

Thank You, Lord, for an amazing month.

I am Grace In Motion

I am Hope personified

I am a Living Proof of promised made and promise fulfilled

I am the object of His undying and faithful love.

I am sure you have also experienced the goodness of God in one sphere of your life or the other. Share with us in the comment and let us rejoice with you.

And if you are still waiting for God in a specific area of your life, stay the course of faith. Don't give up on God. Don't give up on hope. God is able to do for you just what He says He would do, in His own time and in His way.

BEYOND THE MESS

The first time I saw the house on Gumani Road in April 2001, it was a dilapidated, “things fall apart” and bats-infested wreck of a bungalow. But the three-bedroom with two bathrooms bungalow had two appeals; its proximity to my new office in Tamale, sharing a common side fence, and the big expanse of grounds—a definite deal for my two young sons.

I had to look beyond its state at that time and created in my mind a vision of what it could be. So, I fixed my gaze on this picture of what I imagined it could become as I began to negotiate with the shrewd landlord. Shared with him my vision for the bungalow. Told him I will pay for the renovations on the conditions that he keeps my rent the same throughout my stay in Tamale and when I was ready to leave, he will pay me back for the major fixtures. Shrewd met strong negotiating skills.

I had been told that the man likes money and doesn’t like to spend on his houses. Told him that by the time the house is renovated to my taste, he would not recognize it and after I leave, he would be able to give it to the highest bidder and recoup whatever he would have to refund to me. It is a win-win. I get what I want, and he eventually gets what he likes most.  After much debate, we agreed.

The renovation work began in earnest, and in less than two months we had transformed the building into my dream and vision. We fitted the bathrooms with bathtubs. And tiled the walls and floors with elegant and bright tiles. We did the same for the kitchen. We fixed the wardrobes in the three bedrooms. The living area was divided to provide me with a study and storage space. We created a covered portico in front of the bungalow. We had a few trees removed from around the house. I could do without bats and reptiles around the house. I had the whole house and the fence surrounding the house repainted. By the time, we finished, the house stood out on the street.

I had cane furniture brought in from Accra. Made curtains and cushions with the Nigerian Tie and Dye fabric; proudly Nigerian. I had air-conditioners fitted in all the rooms. Tamale is incredibly hot. Children cannot play outdoors until the sun goes down and they are back home from school by 12:30 pm because of the heat.

We moved in. The boys had a great time playing and riding their bicycles on the grounds of the compound. I had the pleasure of hosting guests for dinners especially those coming from out of town for meetings in the office. I hosted my new church family in Tamale for times of fellowship and counseling.

It was a joy to see the house become what I envisioned it could be. So, I was pretty sad when I had to leave after just a little over two years in the house. The house will continue to hold incredible memories for me.

I was glad to see the house again on November 20^th, 2017 during my Tamale Homecoming. It was taken over by an International Agency working in the Northern Region of Ghana. I was right when I said the house would eventually go to the highest bidder—it became the office of the Agency. With a dear friend working as a staff in the office, I had the opportunity of entering the building and the rooms again and was astonished at the continued transformation of the building.

Sometimes, what we see before us is a mess; the consequences of bad decisions, neglect, and failures. When we look beyond the mess, and we see with God’s eyes, we can envision what the mess can become with the redeeming and transforming love of God. With great determination and concerted efforts, we transformed a dilapidated building into a comfortable home and later into an office.

 

I want to encourage you not to give up on whatever is looking like a real mess before you today. Trust God to open your eyes to see what it can truly become. Trust God to give you His vision for that mess. You will be amazed if you stay focused on that vision and work with God to get there.

What we behold take hold of us. What are you beholding?

The mess or the miracle in the making?

Share with us something that was once a mess in your life that God has turned into a miracle. Let’s inspire and encourage one another.

Beyond The Pain To Life Beyond Imagination

We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness

– Tommy Walker

It was a Sunday morning. We were getting ready for church. I picked up the huge box of cookies my cousin gave me and said to my husband, “I’m taking this to share with the children in church. I dare not eat this alone.”

He laughed and looked up to heaven.

You're our creator, our life sustainer
Deliverer, our comfort, our joy
Throughout the ages You've been our shelter
Our peace in the midst of the storm

“Blessed be God. Do you remember once upon a time, you had to drink Resource Protein and Energy supplements and eat high-energy cookies?”

How can I forget? For many years, I lost weight so rapidly that my doctors placed me on these not-nice-tasting supplements. I was compelled to drink a bottle twice a day. I remembered how often my husband searched the shops for tasty high-protein high-energy snacks. I remembered how difficult it was for me to eat or hold down what I had eaten. I remembered the awful pain in my tummy after eating, which often left me groaning and rolling in pain.

When we walk through life's darkest valleys
We will look back at all You have done
And we will shout, our God is good
And He is the faithful One

I spent time over the past days reflecting on that season in life’s darkest and lonely valley. I remembered how God has been our peace in the midst of the storm. I remembered how God has been turning it all around. In the past fifteen months, I can eat without the fear of pain. I can eat and hold down my food. I have moved from under 50kg to 63kg. I no longer have to use pins to hold my skirts and trousers at the waist. 

Yes, indeed I do remember the work of God’s hands.

It is apt at this turning point in my life to look back into this decade of my life and consider the goodness and mercies God showered on me. Indeed, I see God’s hands turning ashes to beauty. The haggard and strained visage is gone. I am blossoming again in every sphere of my life. God’s mighty hands brought me out of my long winter season and caused my life and strength to spring to life again. It is a brand new season. God is doing a new thing, and it shall yet break forth. In the month of September alone, I stood and shared my story at many places I could not have imagined just a year ago.

As the old year fades away tonight and  new beginning dawns for me on October 1^st, I wish I have a thousand tongues to sing the praises of my Lord and King. How I wish I could employ the host of heaven to join me in adoring my Father and God. He is a good Father to me. He is the epitome and definition of a good Father.

O for a thousand tongues to sing
my dear Redeemer's praise,
the glories of my God and King,
the triumphs of his grace!

My gracious Master and my God,
assist me to proclaim,
to spread through all the earth abroad
the honors of thy name.

Composed by Charles Wesley (1739)

Go Beyond The Pain:

Joseph could have become bitter and remained angry after going through the pain of rejection in the pit, the distress of false accusation in Potiphar's house and the despair of abandonment in the prison. But he looked beyond the pain and considered that all the adversity he endured was God sending him ahead to prepare a posterity for his family (Gen. 45: 7-8).

My life story has several chapters of misery, pain, discomfort, and distress, but it is not a tragedy. God’s grace richly abounding to me empowered me to channel my season of pain and adversity to bring about good in the lives of others. If my story can become a means of inspiring hope and pointing others going through adversity to the Supreme Source of hope, then it is not a story of tragedy but a story of victory. My pain is not in vain. My pain is not purposeless.

I am persuaded that our story of pain and affliction can become a source of encouragement to others if we tap into the grace of God that is abundantly available to us. I believe that our season of affliction and adversity can become a unique opportunity to reach out and touch the lives of people in our community for good. I believe there’s someone waiting at the end of our dark tunnel who can derive comfort from our experience if we refuse to give up on hope, and if we refuse to give in to despair but push through to the end.

I have many friends who have suffered the pain and grief of losing a precious loved one. But they have turned the pain to an opportunity to reach out and bring hope to others going through similar experience or ensure that others do not suffer from the same experience. Someone else can derive comfort and be blessed because of what you have gone through this challenging experience, and you have endured through the keeping grace of God.

Dear Friends, there is absolutely nothing you have gone through or still going through that can go to waste. God is using it all to shape you, mould you, and prepare you for the purpose He ordained for your life. I encourage you to look beyond the pain, and you will see how God is working it together for good. You will see God turning it around not only for your good but for the good of many others waiting at the end of your dark tunnel.

There is a grace that is sufficient for every situation that we may find ourselves. Grace is God stooping down to reach out to us at our point of need. He is the God of all grace. After we have suffered for a little while, He will Himself restore us, making us strong, steadfast and firm (1Pet. 5:10). Grace empowers us for victory. We begin to appreciate the import of grace when we are in a dire need of the supernatural ability to live beyond the circumstances and challenges besetting us. It is only the grace of God that can empower us to go beyond the pain of the moment and expectantly look forward to living life beyond imagination.

"Grace abounds like an ever-flowing stream in the valley of adversity."

I have tasted of this GRACE. I can testify of its sufficiency. That is why I can say with confidence and gratitude to God; I am living life to the full again. I am living my dream. I am traveling and talking. My story of over twenty years of being tried in the crucible of affliction has become a testimony touching lives for good. It has become a ministry inspiring hope beyond what I could ever have imagined. It has become an opportunity to enrich lives and galvanize action for amputees and physically challenged persons who do not have access to services that can make life bearable. It is beyond my wildest imagination.

Join me to celebrate life and God's goodness during October (my birth month), by encouraging people around us to GO BEYOND THE PAIN.

Share your story of a season of pain, adversity and challenges, and how God has turned it around for good. Tell us how a difficult season in your life has become an opportunity to reach out and touch the lives of other people for good. Share here on the blog, by email, on the Facebook or twitter.

Please add @Irene Olumese and #GoBeyondThePain to your story when you share on the Facebook or Twitter. That way others can be blessed and encouraged by this one month of #GoBeyondThePain event. 

This blog post includes excerpts from the sermon I preached at HOTRIC, London – Beyond The Pain on Sunday, Sept. 20^th and the talk I gave at the Q Commons Talk – Beyond Imagination on Friday, Sept. 25^th, 2015. 

Recalibrating In The Season Of Change

I did the catwalk along the aisle between the shelves of shoes without my walking stick in front of the mirror.  With arms spread out, I turned around, paused to rock on my heels, and walked back towards my SistaFriend.

“What are you doing?”

“I am recalibrating,” I answered with a smile.

I wasn't doing the recalibrating myself. It was the hydraulic system in the heel of my prosthetic feet—the Feet of Grace—adjusting the equilibrium to ensure that I maintain balance and stability because of the changes in the height of the heel of the shoes.

The hydraulic system allows me the flexibility of 2cm in the extension of the ankle to ensure that I don't lose balance and fall when there is a change in my height of my heel. This allows me wear shoes with heels 3-5cm high.

It was the last day of the four-day orientation for the parents of the new students admitted to the College. It had been four days of intense activities and information sharing. College administrators were preparing the parents for the change that was about to take place in the dynamics of our relationship with our children who are now Frosh (Freshmen) in the University.

They emphasized the limits of our access to significant information concerning our children’s education and health under the Privacy Protection Act. According to the laws of the land, we could no longer have access to this information once the children turn 18 years old.

Our children are now adults who would be making significant decisions by themselves. Our roles as parents are about to go through a change and take a new dimension. Yes, they are no longer children. They are young adults facing a new life of freedom and independence in the University. They, also, are in a season of change. And we, as parents, have to trust that we have trained them up in a way that will guide them to recalibrate aright.

They asked us to say our goodbyes and leave “our students” in their care, assuring us that they have systems in place to ensure none of them falls off the radar or through the cracks.

I came to California to support my second son as he made his transition to the University. So I said my preliminary goodbyes that afternoon with the intention of seeing him one more time before departing California on my way back home to Switzerland.

My second and last child has spread his wings and flown off the nest. I knew without a doubt a new season of change is upon me.

With change comes the need to recalibrate—adjust to the new definition of normal.

My SistaFriend understood what it feels to walk away leaving your once-a-child behind and face a season of change that comes with it. She was waiting for me with an agenda. First, she deposited me in the salon for a manicure. Next on the agenda was the trip to the shoe warehouse. Needless to say, we didn't talk much about our adult children as we scoured the aisles for shoes that met my specifications.

I used to collect shoes. I shared that story in Once Upon A Time Of Feet And Painted Toenails. With the amputation of my legs came a season of change. I had to give away my high-heeled shoes and started looking broad-heeled shoes for the Feet Of Grace. I learnt to adjust to these new parameters that now guide my shoes selection.

Change comes to us in different ways at different times and phases of our lives. In the season of change, we are required to make adjustments to maintain stability and equilibrium.

My season of change:

I am familiar with change. I have been through several seasons of change. But change is taking place again in different spheres of my life. I said goodbye to my son on Sunday evening. He walked away hurriedly without looking back for the next program on his orientation agenda. He was excited about his new college life. I drove away knowing my role as a nurturer had ended. He is going to take care of himself henceforth.

The following day, I got on the plane to depart California. It was the first time I was traveling alone without any member of my family or a friend since October 2007. It felt strange to sit beside a complete stranger and to have no meaningful conversation except occasional courtesies for almost seven hours. It marked the beginning of a new season different from what I had become accustomed to, and a re-entry into an independent life. I knew there would be more of such travels as the Feet of Grace takes on its assignments.

The flight to Chicago provided me with the opportunity to reflect on the life I have shared with my husband and sons so far. My heart overflowed with gratitude to God for the blessing they have been to me. They bore with me the burden of the storms of the last eight years without once complaining. I am of all women most blessed to have these three men in my life.

In another ten days, I will be back in the air again, this time on the last leg of my return journey home with my husband and an empty nest waiting for me at the other end. My husband and I will begin a new phase in our lives as empty nesters. We will need to recalibrate so that we can fit well into this new life.

I pondered on the areas where we would need to make adjustments as I flew over the drought affected mountainous landscape from Ontario to San Francisco. I knew for sure that we must make every effort to prevent drought in our relationship and family life in this season of change. We must keep our relationship fresh, vital and flourishing.

                         

One area that will require attention and negotiation across the board is COMMUNICATION.  

Managing Communications Across Different Time Zones:

In the last couple of weeks, we found ourselves in different time zones with fourteen hours apart. That required some concerted effort and negotiations to ensure that all the four of us can communicate with each other even if not all together at the same time. The school suggested that we negotiate a communication plan with our children. There's wisdom in that counsel if someone is going to sleep when the other is just waking up on the other side of the world.

Managing without significant persons:

Sooner than later, the day is going to come that I will actually be alone at home. I will have to lock the door by myself that night and go up two flights of stairs to my bedroom, activate the alarm and go to sleep. I have never had to do that since we moved into our home in Geneva twelve years ago. But I had a good practice living alone in Cairo for almost eighteen months in between. So I am very sure by the grace of God I will recalibrate correctly and adjust in the season too.

The chorus of the song, “My Life Is In Your Hands” by Kirk Franklin came to my heart as I pondered on my season of change:

I know that I can make it

I know that I can stand

No matter what may come my way

My life is in Your hands.

With Jesus, you can make it

With Jesus, you can stand

No matter what may come your way

Your life is in His hands.

Some changes give us notice and time to prepare. Some changes come unannounced and unexpected. Some are painful and devastating. Some are part of growth and life. Whatever kind of changes you may be faced with, you need to know what does not change when everything changes.

God is unchanging.

That's why we cannot be consumed or destroyed in the season of change.

What are the changes going on in your life in this season? What do you have to do to recalibrate and adjust to your new definition of normal? In which areas do you have to negotiate with significant people in your life so you can maintain stability?

Whatever your story may be, I want to assure you that God is mindful of you in this season of change. I want to encourage you to commit your cares, anxiety and concerns to Him. He cares about you where you are right now. You can depend on Him for counsel and guidance, so you are able to maintain stability in your new season.

Choices At The Point Of Change

The temperature in Geneva reached a high of over 40 degrees this week. The highest temperature recorded since 2003. The unbearable furnace-like heat reminded me of my days in Tamale, Ghana and Cairo, Egypt. It was during my sojourn in these places that I experienced such high temperatures. We talked much about those times during the past week.

I paused and pondered.

So much change has taken place in my life since I left Tamale in 2003 and Cairo in 2007.

Change I did not expect
Change I did not engineer
Change I did endure

Change came. It altered the course of my life. It took me to a different altitude.

Since we took off from Geneva, I watched the altitude rising on the monitor, waiting to see when the plane would get to its cruising altitude. It did. 35 minutes into the flight over Luxembourg at 12,195 meters (40,000 feet).

If we hit a storm, the pilot will have to make a choice of possible actions, which may alter the flight path. And we may not arrive at our planned destination, at least not at the scheduled time.

I love flying. That was one of the things I enjoyed working with UNICEF for 15 years—I did a lot of traveling. I love visiting new places. I loved the thrill. I loved adventure.

Change came. It took that from me for a season. But God is turning it around for my good and in my favor.

At the beginning of 2015, I set my watchword for the year—be consistent, complete and stay focussed. Six months gone already, we are in the second half of the year. It is time to take stock and do a midterm review. There's no better place for me to do that than at this altitude—12,000meters above sea level floating on soft white clouds. That's where I am writing this post on my way to Lagos via Amsterdam.

As I pondered on the first half of 2015, I was overwhelmed by how much God has used the change that altered the course of my life to impact lives. It is simply beyond words. This has been a very busy year but who would have thought two years ago that it will turn out this way. I had several opportunities to share my story. The story of God's grace that sustained me through the storm.

Grace kept through the stormy change. Grace is giving purpose to the change. I could not give up on hope during the storm because I have experienced God as a faithful and loving Father. In the face of unexpected change, I learnt that the choices I make will determine whether or not I will fulfil God's purpose for me in the situation and beyond.

I chose never to give up on hope, come what may.

Change is a constant. It is inevitable. It is unavoidable. It is will come to each of us at one point in time or the other and in one form or the other. Some change is for good. Some, not so good.

What do we do when change comes on us unannounced?

The choices you make when you are faced with change will determine your destination—where you end up.

The month of June was profound in many ways. I spent three weeks with my Sista and fellow dream-chaser, Bidemi Mark-Mordi. We encouraged and built each other up as iron sharpens iron. More importantly, from London to Zurich to Geneva, we saw God moving beyond our wildest imagination during the Sistapower Gathering and Women Conferences we attended. He used the stories He has written of our lives to inspire and encourage women from diverse backgrounds to be who God created and called them to be, irrespective of the change that has visited their lives.

We saw God using a willing vessel in London. We saw the dividend of time invested in prayers in Zurich. We saw how God burdened our hearts with the revelation to bring about redemption and heal the broken in Geneva. And plenty tears did flow.

I had many lightbulb moments during the Geneva meeting. God confirmed again that He is too wonderful for comprehension. If you ever think you know God's word so much that you can take it for granted, you need a rethink. The stories of the change that came upon the two Tamars in the Bible came alive for me in a brand new way as Bidemi Mark-Mordi expounded "The Tales Of Two Tamars."

Change came upon these women in the Bible.
It was unexpected.
They did not ask for it.
They did nothing to bring it on themselves.
In fact, they did not deserve it.
Yet change came. And it was cruel.

The two women were broken by those who should have done right by them. They were broken in pieces inside. They suffered the pain they did not solicit.

Does that sound familiar to you?

One was condemned to the broken life of childless widowhood in her father's house. The other was condemned to the broken life of a shamed, defiled and undefended woman.

But that was as far as the similarities went.
Their responses to the change were different.
The choices they made in the face of unspeakable change were different.
The outcome was also different.

What was the difference?

One Tamar stayed in the place of brokenness—the place where she was broken by man, life, and circumstances. She remained desolate in her brother's house for the rest of her life (2Samuel 13).

The other Tamar opted to get up from the place she was broken by three different men. She seized the opportunity and did something about her brokenness. She turned it around. She became the mother of Perez, the great great grandfather of Boaz. Boaz was the grandfather of David (Genesis 38, Ruth 4:16-22).

Life can be unfair. Bringing cruel, painful and often irreparable change. But at what point do you get up and step on the pain? At what point do you jump on the springboard of change and let it catapult you to your next level.

When life visits us and change come upon us, we need to know what does not change; God does not change. His undying love for you does not change. His plan and purpose for your life does not change. Let me assure you that God is working through the change to bring His purpose for your life into full manifestation.

1. What would you do you do when no one can put you together?
Quite honestly no one can put you together when you have been broken. But if you draw strength from above and look up to God, He can put the smithereens back together again.

2. What would you allow to break you that you will refuse to stand again?

When Bidemi asked these two questions, I understood again that God has given us the will to choose. He also made His grace abundantly available if we choose to get up from the places where we have been broken.

My dear friends, what would you do?

Would you choose to stand firm in faith and hope, come what may?
Would you choose not to give up on hope?
The choices you make in the face of change can make or mar your destiny.

You need that the remedy for the bitter pools in your life has been prepared in advance before you get to Marah (Exodus 15: 22-26).

The change your life experiences bring can become assets for your ministry or launching pad to fulfilling purpose. Yes, your pain, your physical/emotional trauma, etc., are assets that can allow you to reach other people who may be going through the similar experience.

I would never have appreciated the depth of pain that goes with losing a child if I have never felt it.
I would never have understood the agony and anxiety of waiting for a child if I didn't suffer a waiting, howbeit short.
I would definitely not have known the challenges, distress and frustrations of living with chronic, long-term diseases but for the twenty years I spent in the valley of affliction.
I would not have given an amputee more than a cursory look until I experienced first-hand the challenges of being an amputee. Now I understand how handicap unfriendly many of our facilities. Many times, I go into the shops, I can't find a place to sit, rest and take the weight off my limbs.

My painful changes and life experiences are taking me to a higher altitude in my walk with God, and in fulfilling God's kingdom agenda.

Yours can too!

What are your painful change experiences? How can it help you become a solution to those around you? Ponder on these questions and do feel free to share. Let's encourage one another.

Once Upon A Time Of Feet and Painted Toenails

"Give me a glass of water, please," I said to my first son with eyes fixed on the screen of the laptop and fingers relentless on the keyboard. I heard him shift his 80kg, 1.70m frame up from the carpet he laid on behind me.

"Who took my slippers?" he demanded.

I paused for a brief moment and thought about his question. “Oh, I think your uncle took them when he went down to the cave a few minutes ago," I answered as I recalled his uncle looking for a pair of slippers to put on earlier. It is very cold in the cave, and he did not want to go down wearing just his socks.

Eyes still fixed on the screen and without turning in his direction I added, "You can take my slippers." There was no movement or response from him. I turned around and saw a weird look on his face, he was staring at the spot on the floor near me. Then, I looked down to the floor. That was when it hit me. There were no slippers on the floor by me. There were no feet either. I didn't have my Feet of Grace (prosthetic limbs) on. My stumps were resting on a stool under the table.

We exchanged a look that spoke louder than words. For a brief moment, I forgot that I am an amputee. I don’t have my feet anymore. And I can't wear my slippers too.

For many years, I took great care of my feet and toenails. I had feet spa and pedicure regularly before I came to live in Switzerland. Then I realized that it was wisdom for me to do my pedicure myself at home. It was too expensive to go to the salon to do it. I shared many happy moments with my sons; they both struggled to help me to remove my nail polish and to put a fresh one. Each son worked on a foot. The fastest always wanted to move to his brother's side, which, of course, always result in an argument. They did that without any complaint until they became teenagers, and I could not get them to help me clean and polish my toenails anymore!

I loved jogging and walking. With those feet, I covered many kilometres. I even did some competitive running and swimming in the university when I represented my hall of residence during the inter-hall games. Each time I went for walks with my husband, he always had to slow me down because I was a very fast walker, always taking long strides.

Another favourite hobby of mine was shoes collection. I like my shoes, with their coordinating bags. I liked them with high heels, at least 6cm high. I didn't like flat heeled shoes because I felt I walk like a duck in them. I like to walk with long strides with my back straight and to hold my head high. I learnt to place a heavy book on my head when I was a teenager to ensure that I walk without slouching. And I liked dainty slippers that showed off my toenails.

“How many shoes can one woman wear?” asked my husband in utter amazement many times. My ready-made response was that they were of different colours and styles. I have a couple of Sistas who beat me hands down when it comes to shoes collection.  “Imelda Marcus’ junior sister” as we nicknamed her, used to be my shoe-exchange partner. Then I met the mother of all shoes’ collectors, the height of her shoes and the way she moves in them dropped my jaws. I remember gleefully telling my husband that he should be happy I was not as bad as my two friends.

I had just polished my toenails during the week leading up to April 13^th, 2013 when the hospital called me in for the lungs transplant surgery. I did not have time to remove the nail polish before going into the hospital, just did the fingernails. When I woke up from induced coma over four weeks later, it was the unusually brilliant polished toenails that caught my attention. I realized later that my usually subtle colour stood out because my feet had gone very dark as a result of the necrosis.

I learnt later that the doctors had told my husband that my feet were not likely to recover and to protect the precious gift of life God gave me, they would need to amputate my feet. He told me that he refused to accept their verdict. He went back home, brought all my shoes into the middle of the bedroom and began to pray that the owner of the shoes would have the opportunity to wear them again. That was before God gave us the word of assurance that He would give me the Feet of Grace that would take to places beyond my imagination and where my natural feet cannot take me.

For many days after the amputation, I refused to look at the stumps. Each time the nurses changed the dressing, they asked me if I wanted to look at them, and I answered with an emphatic "No!" turning my face away. The wounds healed with such amazing rapidity that I could not help but notice the joy with which the nurses announced it to each other.

Finally, I looked. First at the space where the rest of my leg and feet should have been. Then I looked at the stumps. The nurse examining them looked up at me, “they are healing so well” she said. “It is remarkable.” The skin was dry and peeling off in big chunks. It required that we applied a special lotion every night before putting a light bandage on them. First, my husband offered to do it. Then my sons took turns every night to apply the lotion and bandage the stumps before leaving the hospital for home. They did not show any awkwardness touching the stumps neither were they ashamed. It was a huge deposit on my self-esteem account.

And that was the beginning of the path to my emotional recovery. It was rough but I am still standing, kept by the grace of God and the support of my husband and sons. Watch out for the concluding part of this story in the next post.

Feet of Grace 2015 Charity Walk_Hit The Street For Their Feet:

 Be a part of making the dreams of these amputees come true. Walk with me or support my 5km Charity Walk to raise 15,000 Swiss Francs. This will be used to procure prosthetic limbs for Chidi and Olivet and wheelchairs for those still waiting. Read more about this on my last blog: Feet Of Grace In Motion

Date:  Saturday, April 25^th, 2015 D.V.

Let a message in the comment box below for more information. Together we can help these amputees regain their autonomy and get on with their lives.

May the Lord richly reward your generosity.

Out Of My Control

For many years, I travailed in prayer over these intractable situations. For months, I beseeched God for a change. For the past few weeks, my heart was weighed down under the heavy burden. They were issues within my circle of concern. I yearned for a change. I longed to see broken relationships restored. I desired a breakthrough the walls that hitherto resisted progress and improvement in certain situations. I wanted to see a Sarah laugh.

I cried out to God, “I know there is nothing impossible for You to do.”

I asked the Lord to give me the mountain looming before me for a possession. “Give me this mountain, O Lord or make it plain.”

I wanted to the power to fix the situation, which laid before me like a pile of a million pieces of puzzles.

But I also knew that I cannot do the work of the Holy Spirit, so I petitioned God to do what only He can do—change hearts and change situations.

These situations were out of my circle of control.

On Thursday, December 11^th, 2014, I woke up with an irritation along the suture line on my rib-cage. Soon the irritating itch became a full blown throbbing ache in my chest. By mid-day, I was agonizing in pain. It did not respond to the painkillers or steroid. But I still went for my Moms’ Prayer meeting. It was the last one for the year and we planned to have lunch afterwards. We prayed about the pain. I was restless through the lunch. The pain was radiating deep in my right shoulder and my right arm felt numb.

Back at home, I tried to reach my husband far away in New Delhi. I needed his medical opinion and guidance. The painkillers were not effective, and I was crying out to the Lord for relief. It was at this stage, I had to call my GP. He asked me to call my Pulmonary Specialist at the Teaching Hospital. I was hesitant. I knew what was likely to follow that call. They asked me to come into the ER immediately. In a short while, the ambulance arrived at my doorstep. This was not on my arm-long agenda for that day. But the situation had spiralled out of my control.

All the way to the hospital, I struggled to reject all the suggestions of the enemy. I refuted them with the word of God. But all the things that I had dreamt to accomplish this year and those initiated flashed across my mind. It was a long list of unfinished tasks.

The next few hours confirmed again that the last place anyone want to be is in the ER, especially during this season. The pain was controlled. They ran a battery of tests to confirm the situation was not life-threatening and the suspicion was proved false. But I began to have another bout of irritating itch. I was having an allergic reaction. This time it was generalized. I itched from the top of my head to the tip of my stump. The course of steroids offered no relief. The doctors were not willing to increase the dose of the steroids. They had to determine the best antihistamine to use given my peculiar situation.

It was 2:00am. The itching was unbearable. The doctors were attending to critical situations. Unable to control the itching, sleep deprived, physically and emotionally fatigued, I crumbled on the bed. I was overwhelmed by the intensity of the itching, which I could not control. I was overwhelmed by the other issues out of my control. And the dam broken.

The nurses heard me crying and came into my cubicle.

“Pourquoi, Madame? Pourquoi vous pleurez?”

I heard her ask why I was crying. She touched my shoulder. My body was folded in a crumbled state as I sat on my stumps, my head laid between my knees and my arms over my head. I did not respond but continued crying.

“Madame?” she shook my shoulders. I lifted my tear-drenched face. There were two of them standing over me. I motioned my hands over my body.

“J’arrive.” She went out of the cubicle and the second nurse took her place, holding my shoulders. In a minute, she was back with a bottle of oil. She asked if they could apply the oil on my burning skin while we await the doctors. Indeed, they anointed my body from my face to my stumps. It cooled down the itch. It was like the balm of Gilead that calmed my wearied body.

A few days later, a dear Sista tagged me in a post on Facebook. I read the post and these words became engraved in my heart:

Those things in your circle of concern but out of your circle of control are definitely not out of God’s control. They are in God’s control and in God’s hands.”

It was a clear message from God. Like the oil the nurses applied on my body, the words were like a soothing salve on my burdened heart. It was the third message the Lord impressed on my heart within two weeks during which I pondered on all situations for which I sought a resolution, and to unravel the convoluted and knotted issues in my circle of concern.

God had ministered to my agonizing heart during the preceding week. First, I was reminded of the many instances in the Bible of when God proved Himself to be the God over impossibilities.

“For with God nothing shall be impossible.” – Luke 1:37

Faced with Goliath who kept taunting the people Israel and their God, David received divine strategy and intervention that gave him the much desired victory over the Philistines. I was reminded that there was a murderous Saul who the Lord touched and turned to Paul. I was also reminded that the dead body of Lazarus was already emitting odour from decay, yet God raise him from the dead and restored him to the fullness of life.

I knew there is no situation too far gone for God to turn around and there is no heart too hard for God to touch. I was reminded that the things which are impossible for man are possible for God. I can’t fix the situation. I can’t unravel the knots. But God can. I was encouraged to surrender all the issues burdening my heart to the One Who specializes in doing the impossible.

The second message, God impressed on my heart was;

Wait with joy, hope and praise.

It can be really hard to wait especially as another year comes to an end and you have yet to see your dreams and desires fulfilled. It is difficult to wait when the longing desire for a change burn with an aching heat in your heart. Waiting is serious business. Yet I know that God has called us to with hope anchored on His unfailing promises. He asked us to wait with joy overflowing from the assurance of hope and with praise because we know faithful is He Who has promised.

“Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise” – Hebrews 10:23.

If God said it, He will do it. God is infinitely faithful to keep His promise and fulfil His word.

I was encouraged to wait with praise because God is Omnipotent. He is infinitely capable of putting His Omnipotent power on display in each of the situations I presented before Him. He can do all things. There is nothing too hard or difficult for Him. There is no purpose of God that can be thwarted. He is the One Who upholds the entire universe by the Word of His power.

I knew praise is a very effective weapon of warfare. I knew that as I acknowledge God’s limitless power in praise, I am also calling it into manifestation in my life, in the lives of those in my circle of concern and in the situations out of my control.

The flurry of events screaming like oversized billboards and reminding me of the seemly insurmountable mountains were intent on blurring my vision from God’s omnipotent power, which is able to change the most difficult and extreme situation. They sought to distract my attention from His amazing goodness in our lives this year. So I became even the more determined to offer exuberant praise to God.

With this came the confidence of hope that I can rely on God Who resurrected the dead. He is able to resurrect dead dreams and dead relationships, and turn dead ends to open doors. The more I praised God in the midst of the situation, the more I was energized to dare to dream of a change, to dream of restoration and to dream of victory.

I asked that the Lord to give those in my circle of concern yielded hearts. I asked on their behalf for a broken and a contrite heart, and a willingness to let God have full control. I prayed for a deeper understanding of God’s power to work out His purpose in our lives.

As 2014 rolls to an end, perhaps you find yourself in a similar situation, faced with mountains of impossibilities and surrounded by challenges, I encouraged you with these same words with which the Lord encouraged me:

Those things in your circle of concern but out of your circle of control are definitely not out of God’s control. They are in God’s control and in God’s hands.”

God has it all under control. Wait for Him with praise, with hope and with joy. He is infinitely reliable. He is Omnipotent.

Match into 2015 with the confidence of this hope and assurance, and with an uplifted face. May the hope that comes only from knowing God as the Omnipotent Father and Jesus as Lord fill your hearts and home with great joy this Christmas.

We Call, He Answers, And He Reveals

“Call unto Me, I will answer, and show you great and hidden things that you do not know.” (ESV).

“...I’ll tell you marvellous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.” (MSG). – Jeremiah 33:3.

It has been several weeks since I planned to write this blog post but I did not get a release in my heart to do so. It was held back. And I did not have any inclination to write on another topic over the last couple of weeks. The Lord illuminated some truths in my heart on Wednesday morning, which gave me the impetus and much needed release to write this post.

I will share with you in this post my understanding of the scripture quoted above from Jeremiah 33:3 and how I have applied it to some seemly knotty and intractable issues in my life and in the lives of several persons in my sphere of influence who I have been standing in the gap for. I will also share some of the truths God illuminated in my heart as I asked for the revelation of the hidden things. These include how deep-seated anger and offenses cause scars, calluses and hardness in our hearts, and how these can impair the vitality of our relationship with God and with significant people in our lives.

The Call: “Cry to Me”

“Call Upon me” is not a plea. It is not a request. It is an instruction.

These were the words of Pastor Mayokun Oreofe, a dear Sista I met at the ROTH 2014 Conference in Lagos last July. These words caught fire in my spirit and have been resonating in my heart since then.

“Call upon Me in the day of trouble (distress);” (Ps. 50:15)

“Is there anyone in trouble? Let them pray.” (James 5:13)

“In my distress, I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help.” (Ps. 18:6)

In August 2012, I wrote Unravelled. It was about intractable situations we sometimes face in life. Situations that are as complex as the Gordian knot—inextricable, challenging, complicated, convoluted and multi-faceted. Some are a tangled mess, defying understanding or solution. According to Charles Spurgeon (1908), it is God alone Who can untie the Gordian knots we try to unravel in our lives.

That is why we are instructed in the Bible that when we are faced with seemly intractable challenging situation, our only and best option is cry to God in fervent prayer.

My life’s story gave me several opportunities to acquire some experience in crying out to God. There have been instances when I had to open my mouth and cry out with a loud voice to the Lord of my salvation; “O God, help me,” I screamed at the top of my voice in my closet. “Father, intervene in this situation,” as I intercede over a burden concerning someone in my sphere of influence.

“Is there anything too difficult for You to do?”

“Can a heart be so hard that You cannot touch and soften?”

“Is there a situation too far gone that You cannot resolve and restore?”

It is at such times that I thank God for the thick walls of my house. No one but God could hear me crying out. And there have been instances when I have cried out to God in my heart yet not a sound came out of my lips. I had tracheotomy tube in my throat connected to the machine that was helping me to breath. I had no voice. I could not make any sound, yet in agony I cried out in my heart. I clenched my fist as tight as I could in that state of sheer weakness and exhaustion. I closed my eyes, and my heart wept before God. My soundless cry went before Him, into His ears.

Calling upon God is not a passive asking or a by-the-way making of request. It is akin to crying out to Him with a loud voice even if soundless. It is active. It requires effort. It requires consistency and diligence.

The Answer: “I will answer…”

“...I shall rescue (deliver) you, and you will honour Me. (Ps. 50:15)

“From His temple, He heard my voice; my cry came to before Him, into His ears.” (Ps 18:6)

“The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth.” (Ps. 145:18)

The Bible assures us that God is gracious to hear us when we cry out to Him for help. Because our cry brings us into His presence—granting us a private audience with Him (Ps18:6, MSG). As soon as He hears, He will answer us (Is. 58:9). We are also assured that His ears are ever open to our cry. He will listen to us. He will rescue. He will deliver. He will save. This is the guaranteed assurance that we have. When we come close to God, He comes close to us (James 4:8). He is near to those who call upon Him in truth.

When we call on God with the intensity that is described by crying out, God’s response is also intense. The Bible noted that in response to David’s cry of distress, God responded with anger and indignation. To the extent that the earth quaked and rocked like aspen leaves, and the foundations of the mountains trembled. God bowed the heavens and came down. He thundered from heaven and flashed like lightning against the cause of David’s distress to rout them. Then, He reached out from on high and drew David out of his troubles and delivered him from his strong enemies. This is the intensity of God’s response when we cry out to Him. He answers with thunder from heaven.

This gives me great confidence that God most assuredly responds to our cry for help and in His own time and in His own way, He brings us an answer.

The Revelation: “…and show you hidden things which you do not know.”

The instruction is to Call Unto God. The guaranteed assurance is that He Will Answer. The promise is that He will reveal hidden and secret things. My understanding of this is that when we heed God’s instruction and we cry out to Him in prayer and supplication, He will answer. Not only will He answer, He will reveal those things which are fenced in and hidden from our sight that will lead us to the answer He has guaranteed us.

“… From now on, I will tell you of new things, of hidden things unknown to you” (Isaiah 48.6).

We also know from Deuteronomy 29:29 that the secret things belong to the Lord but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children for ever, that we may follow His word. God promised to take care of the hidden things but the revealed things are ours.

I knew with all my heart that I needed to know these hidden, fenced and secret things that will lead me to see the manifestation of the promised answer to my cry to God on behalf of my family, friends, church and nation. So I stood on the authority of this promise, and beseech God to reveal to me what we need to know. It is only in the place of prayer that secret and hidden things are revealed—in the place where we call upon the name of the Lord.

These are remarkable secrets we do not know about things to come. The Bible says that they are mysterious, incomprehensible and difficult to understand by the human mind in itself. They are things we do not know about. They are marvellous and wondrous things that we could not have figured out on our own. That is why they need to be revealed. Because they make huge impact on our lives.

God sees the complex situations we find ourselves in today just as He saw the misery of His people in Egypt as recorded in the Book of Exodus. He hears our cry today just as He heard the people of Israel crying because of their slave drivers. And as He declared then, so even now He is concerned about our situation. God see, God hears and God acts on our behalf. It gives me such great joy that we have a High Priest that is moved by our feeling of infirmity, by our distress and by our afflictions. One of the ways God acts on our behalf is to reveal those things we need to know.

In response to my cry, God in His faithfulness did reveal some of these hidden things and illuminated His truth brilliantly in my heart. I will share with you in the concluding post coming next what I have learnt about how scars, calluses and hardness in our hearts impairs the vitality of our relationship with God and thus hinder the answers to our prayers.