What Next?

I have not blogged in a very long while. I have watched months fly past without turning the dream of writing consistently into action. If it were possible for thoughts to transcribe into words without a determined action on my part, I would have automated my writing. But that is not possible, at least not yet.

2017 has been a busy year beyond my imagination. I have juggled many balls in the air. I managed to keep some afloat. I dropped quite a few. Blogging, unfortunately, is one of the balls that I dropped against my best intentions, despite having three platforms that provides me with the opportunities to blog and share to inspire hope and enrich lives.

Having acknowledged my shortcomings and trusting you to forgive me for not connecting with you as promised, let me count my blessings in 2017 and be grateful for the many balls I have been able to keep afloat by the grace of God.

The Book, Grace In The Storms, is going to places beyond my imagination. I know that at least 1000 printed copies are out there. I am super grateful to God for His faithfulness, and for the lives, He is using the Book to touch. The feedback received has truly touched my heart and humbled me.

We held several Grace In The Storms Events and had many opportunities to share the story in Switzerland, United Kingdom, United States and Nigeria. These were avenues to share the testimony of God’s sustaining grace and to present the Book to a wider audience. I am simply awed at what God is doing with the story He has scripted of my life and the many doors He is using the story to open to me.

My instruction was to go and share the story at every place He will open the doors to me. He had not ceased to amaze me with the way He is fulfilling His part of the bargain. The Feet of Grace is taking me to places my natural feet could not have taken me.

The Feet of Grace Foundation has almost fully engaged my attention and occupied my time. We set out to make the ONE DREAM of living life without limits come true for TEN AMPUTEES in 2017. It has not been a mean feat. There have been several times that I had to pause, and I wondered how this would come to pass; “how would it be?” The support did not come from the places that I had envisaged and expected. Support and help came through many unexpected channels I could never have dreamt of.

My heart rejoices with praise as I am overwhelmed at the goodness of God. He simply pushed me to keep my focus on Him. He keeps reminding me that when He gives an assignment, He makes provision for it. The Annual Charity Walk took place in more locations in 2017 to include Kenya and Uganda in addition to the earlier locations we had in Nigeria, United Kingdom, United States and Switzerland. So far, support has been provided to procure prosthetic limbs for Seven amputees in 2017. Seven almost done, three to go. Together we can make this one dream come true for all the ten amputees.

In addition to the above, I now have a Live Video session of Inspiring Hope on My Facebook Page every Friday evening. I share messages of Grace and Hope to inspire others in their journeys especially those facing adversities and life-challenges.

The work has been intense. The grace has been generous.

But amid these, one question keeps gnawing my spirit—What Next?

What next as a wife after 25 years of marriage?
My husband and I celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary last April with praise and thanksgiving to God, and with many testimonies. It can only get better. Where do I need to make improvements? What can I do better to keep my marriage fresh, vibrant and exciting for both my husband and me? How are we doing with pursuing and fulfilling the purpose for which God brought us together as husband and wife? I don’t want my marriage to settle into the rut of routines. I do not want us to settle on the sofa of staleness. I am taking time to reflect our shared interests and common goal and vision for our marriage.

What next as a mother of two adult sons who no longer need me to parent them daily?
My first son is now an Engineering graduate, carving out his life and making life decisions. My second son is a junior in the university. Both are living between 6700km to 9450km from home. Parenting them is redefined. My role is becoming more of a counselor and adviser on a faraway stage, and a prayer warrior behind the scenes. As much as I want to be a part of their daily life, they seem to be getting on just fine without me mothering them.

What next as an entrepreneur?
My desire to be a contributing partner to my family finances has not waned despite the years of inability to earn a regular income on health grounds. The vats of needs are huge. The desire to be an inexhaustible conduit of God’s blessing is compelling. What I see in the pipeline cannot meet the needs. I am again and again learning to trust God for His provision. He brought us this far. He has been our sufficiency. I am asking God and myself, what can I do differently to generate the much-needed income. How can I be a more faithful steward of the resources available to me? How can I best position and manage my business so that it can generate consistent income? How do I carve out the time to production in my already crowded agenda? Which of my skills can I monetize to generate income? The questions seem endless.

What next as a Writer?
The books longing to be written and the manuscripts waiting to be completed have refused to let go of their hold on my heart. I cannot miss the unusual ways God is reminding me that I have several uncompleted writing assignments. Wishing will not write the Books. They will only get written when I make time to sit and write. My starting point is writing this blog with renewed commitment.

What next as an Inspirational Speaker?
Knowing where God wants me to be at each point in time is an imperative. I cannot afford to miss the opportunity that God opens to me neither can I afford to go where He has not sent me.

What next as God’s handmaiden positioned at this place and at this time for an only-me-can-fulfill purpose in God’s Kingdom agenda?

Truly, I am in the “What Next?” phase of life. Knowing and understanding the will of God for my life at this phase is critical. Clarifying my God-given vision and the steps needed to accomplish is an imperative I cannot afford to overlook.

I am taking time to seek God’s face. I am listening for His instructions. I am willing to submit to His leading, to trust Him and to obey Him. At the beginning of 2017, my watchword was “Listen, Trust and Obey.” It is obvious that God is not done with teaching me to listen for His instructions, to trust in His ability to take me to where He wants me to be, and to simply obey Him.

Perhaps, you are also in that phase where you strongly desire to know which direction God wants you to go. Then, you are in the right place to pull the plug on yourself and retreat into God’s presence. Silence the noise of the world around you, tune your ears to listen and hear God’s voice. Wait in His presence for instructions. You are in the waiting room—the place where God is preparing you for your next season.

That is where I am now—clarifying God’s calling on my life and His purpose and directions for my next season. I am confident that there is grace available for this phase—the grace that keeps me through the tests needed to refine and prepare me for the next season. I am tapping into the super-abundant grace. I encourage you to do so. That grace enables you to do what you cannot do in your human capacity. It is grace that will keep you sitting still to listen when your instinct is to engage and get even busier.

Receive today, the grace to retreat to recalibrate, renew, refocus and refresh in preparation for your next season.

A Life Worth Living Is Life Lived To Serve

The choir led us to sing the song during the Praise and Worship session. We sang with all our hearts. The song reverberated through the hall. The Pastor requested that we take the song again when he addressed the church. It was as we sang again that the last line of the chorus caught my attention. It caught fire in my spirit. The line wrapped itself tightly around my heart. It re-echoed in my mind for days afterwards.

“I live to serve Your majesty.”

The lyrics called out to me, urging an account of my life;

“Am I living my life to serve my King?”

“Am I living a life of service to His Majesty, the Most High God, the King of all Kings?”

I pondered on these questions for many days. It is amazing how just one line of a song can weave itself into our subconscious, becoming a part of our thoughts as we wake up in the morning, as we doze off to sleep at night and several times in between. That has been the case with me with this one line in the chorus of the song; “King of Kings, Majesty” written by Jarrod Cooper.

What Kind of Life Are We Living:

Self-focussed?

Philippians 2: 3-4 says “Do not be selfish;” Admonishing us to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. It also admonishes us not to be concerned only for or look only to our own interest but to be concerned for the interest of others. The worst thing we can do with our lives is to live only for ourselves—focussing only on our needs, wants and gains.

The litmus test of living a selfish life as a Christian is the content of our prayers. Is your prayer more about you, yourself and everything you want God to do for you? God did not put us on earth to live for ourselves.

The next pertinent question we need to ask ourselves is about the motive for what we are doing under the canopy of service to God. Is it to call attention or bring glory to us? Whose interest is being served by our service?

When we do not with humility consider others, we are exhibiting pride and a preoccupation with self. Humility before God and man is a virtue every child of God need to strive constantly for. Our humility in service to God is demonstrated when we are concerned about the interest of others especially those in the household of faith.

Jesus demonstrated humility and selfless concern for others. We are called as believers to have the same mind as is Christ. To have the same mindset as Jesus Christ is to be others focussed.

We also need to note that Jesus did not serve others out of convenience. It cost Him something—it cost Him His life. We are self-oriented if we are serving out of convenience.

Others-focussed?

The bottom-line here is that Jesus did not come to be served but to serve. We have been called to be like Jesus in every way—to selflessly serve others. We become more like Jesus as we live a life of service. A life well lived is a life lived in service of God through service to humanity.

God has given each of us gifts, talents and abilities. We are to be generous with these different gifts God gave us—using them to serve and bless others—as faithful stewards of God’s manifold grace (1Peter 4:10). So that at the end of it all, God gets all the glory, praise and adoration. The service that you perform does not only supply the needs of the Lord's people, but it is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.

I attended the oldest girls’ school in Lagos, Nigeria—Methodist Girls High School, Yaba, Lagos. The Motto of my Alma mater is In Love Serve One Another. I learnt about serving others in love from this school.

“The best use of your life is to invest your life in something that will outlast it” – Rick Warren

I truly concur with Rick Warren. The best way to live life is to live such that the echo of the impact of the life lived will continue to resonate long after that life is over. That is the way I want to live my life, in such a way that I will leave a lasting legacy that will continue cause an overflow of praise to God.

Serving The King:

I am serving my King when the things that I do, the services I render, brings glory and honour to Majestic King of Kings. I am serving my King when it is all about Him, about pleasing Him and doing His will. I am indeed serving my King when my act of service is out of submission and obedience to God and not out of convenience.

In everything Jesus did and said, He perfectly reflected the heart of the God. We are chosen by God as His instruments to do His work, to speak out for Him and to show others the goodness of God, that is, serving at the pleasure of our King.

We are serving the King when our act of service reveals God’s attribute of goodness, kindness and generosity to others.

How can we serve our King?

I found a motion song and study for God’s little ones at the hymnary.org titled “Serving The King” written in 1887 by John Hood, which detailed just how every part of our bodies can be used to serve the King of Kings irrespective of how little or insignificant we may think ourselves to be.

“Only a pair of dimpled hands

How can they serve our King?

Some ways of helping others find,

And little love-gifts bring.”

When I live to serve His Majesty, I don’t need self-efforts. I don’t need strive on my own. I only need to surrender every part of my being to the work of the Holy Spirit in me. For it is the Holy Spirit at work in us who points us in the direction of where the needs we can best serve are.

Here and now, I recommit myself to serve at the pleasure of my King. I must live each day of my life to serve His Majesty, the King of Glory, who loves me so much that He gave His only begotten Son for me and kept me by His might hands.

Dear Friends, what about you? What does it mean to you to live to serve His Majesty? How would you commit yourself to live a life worth living, a life that lives behind a lasting legacy?

Honestly, a life worth living is life lived to serve. A life lived just for self or for this moment alone is a wasted life.

Join me to raise 360 gifts items to bring about a 360-degree turnaround for good in the lives of two women. One is an amputee. The other is a wheelchair-bound widow. These gift items will be sold at a Christmas Charity Bazaar in Geneva. Proceeds from the sales of donated gift items will be used to support these two women through the provision of prosthesis, wheelchair and income generating activities.

Show Your Gratitude Through Your Generosity

God has been extravagantly generous to us, lavishing His goodness and unfailing love on us. The good things God has stored up for us who fear Him are immensely abundant and He bestows His goodness on us in the sight of all who have eyes to see.

How great is the goodness You have stored up for those who fear You. You lavish it on those who come to You for protection, blessing them before the watching world. (Psalm 31:19 NLT).

I am a recipient of God’s overflowing goodness and immeasurable blessings. My expectations at the beginning of 2014 were mind-boggling. It was humanly impossible to see how the things that I was looking up to God for could come to pass. “How shall these things be?” I pondered so many times. Today, I can look back and declare like David in Psalm 145:

I will meditate on Your majestic, glorious splendour and Your wonderful miracles.

Your awe-inspiring deeds will be on every tongue; I will proclaim Your greatness.

Everyone will share the story of Your wonderful goodness;

They will sing with joy about Your righteousness

Surely, you too can recall and recount the goodness of God in your life in 2014. There is no one who has nothing to be grateful for, because God is good to everyone. He showers His love and compassion on all His creation. Everything God does is suffused with grace. This passage calls all of us to share the story of God’s wonderful goodness in our lives.

How then can we show our gratitude for God’s awesome goodness to us?

Paraphrasing The Message translation of Psalm 145: 5-7, we can demonstrate our gratitude by making His marvelous deeds to us headline news, writing a book full of the details of His greatness and spreading the fame of His goodness across the world. Simply put, David encourages us to make our gratitude to God fluent and evident.

Gratitude is more than a feeling, it has to be demonstrated by what we do. Our gratitude to God must be Told and Shown. Our thankfulness and appreciation of God should be expressed not only by our words but also by our deeds.

Gratitude is not just an occasional expression of thanks, but a continual lifestyle of thanksgiving. It is being thankful and grateful for every single thing that God is doing in our lives day by day.

Fluent and abundantly uttered:

David was very generous in uttering his praise to God for His goodness towards him. He declared God’s greatness with fervency and fluency. We are to tell of what God has done in our lives with zeal, glowing in the warmth of His love. We can never exceed the truth when we speak of God’s extravagant goodness with fervency. We are not to be silent witnesses but fluent in our testimony.

We ought to feel His praise deeply in our hearts and openly declare it. We should publicly speak of His goodness and joyfully proclaim it in songs. This is a good point to pause and let your mouth speak generously of the praise of God.

I will praise You.

              I will extol You.

                             I will bless Your Name.

                                           Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised.

Evident and passionately demonstrated:

Just as we have been admonished to generously utter the praises of God, our lives should also speak out loudly of the goodness which we have experienced in God. We cannot overdo it when we passionately demonstrate by our actions and with zeal our gratitude to God, especially through our acts of generosity. We only exhibit the nature of God in us and reflect His divine attribute to the world around us.

Gratitude is shown in acts – Henri Frederic Amiel

We are called to show our gratitude to God by being generous to our needy brothers and sisters. Paul was very explicit that reaching out to the needy in our midst is an evidence of our obedience to God.

Generosity puts our obedience to the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ on display.

"Carrying out this social relief work involves far more than helping meet the bare needs of poor Christians. It also produces abundant and bountiful thanksgivings to God. This relief offering is a prod to live at your very best, showing your gratitude to God by being openly obedient to the plain meaning of the Message of Christ. You show your gratitude through your generous offerings to your needy brothers and sisters, and really toward everyone. Meanwhile, moved by the extravagance of God in your lives, they’ll respond by praying for you in passionate intercession for whatever you need. Thank God for this gift, his gift. No language can praise it enough!" 

(2 Corinthians 9:12-15 MSG).

Make sure you don’t take things for granted and go slack in working for the common good; share what you have with others. God takes particular pleasure in acts of worship—a different kind of “sacrifice”—that take place in kitchen and workplace and on the streets. (Hebrews 13:16 MSG)

If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person? Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. (1 John 3:17-18 NLT)

Generosity, a multiplying factor:

Generosity demonstrates our gratitude to God and impacts the lives of the people it touches. It also produces abundant and bountiful thanksgiving to God. In addition to these, there is a promise of a reward attached to it. Generosity reaches out to others as an overflow of our gratitude to God and it brings back more blessings to us.

"I don’t say this because I want a gift from you. Rather, I want you to receive a reward for your kindness. At the moment I have all I need—and more! I am generously supplied with the gifts you sent me with Epaphroditus. They are a sweet-smelling sacrifice that is acceptable and pleasing to God. And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:17-19 NLT)

Those of us who have experienced God’s extravagant goodness in our lives are called to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous. By so doing, we will build a treasury that will last and we gain life that is truly life.

Dear Friends, I desire that you to experience the blessings that issues from generosity. Let someone around you be impacted with your expression of gratitude. As our friends in US celebrate Thanksgiving today and we enter the Christmas season, we are provided with an ample opportunity to demonstrate our gratitude through our generosity.

What can you do?

1.       Be generous in showing mercy and offering forgiveness.

2.       Offer hospitality. Open your homes to the brethren graciously without complaining.

3.       Be open to needs in your family, church and community and reach out to meet those needs.

The simplest and most powerful way to show gratitude is to be truly present, being generous with your time and attention. Your family will be glad for this.

In what ways can you make a unique dent in the world around you as an act of your gratitude to God?

Prayer:

Father, thank You for the way You provide for every area of my life. I am grateful for everything I have. I am grateful that You are always doing special things in my life, Lord. I choose to be generous in my praise and gratitude to You. I ask for the grace to demonstrate my gratitude by allowing You to use my life to touch lives. Help me to recognize needs around me and be generous in meeting them. In Jesus name I pray. 

An Unusual Instruction

October is my birth month. A few years ago, I resolved to do something different during the month to enhance my relationship with God—devoting more attention to dwelling in the presence of God. A personal retreat—sometimes through extended period of praise and worship or a deeper and extended study of the Bible.

Last September, I started a 100-day Ministering Gratitude to God based on Ps. 119:164. So I assumed this was what God would want me to do during October but on October 3^rd, God laid the message below on my heart.

“Write as an offering of praise and thanksgiving to Me.”

This was an unusual instruction. I was at a critical point in writing my book, which has been protracted for a long time. In September, God gave me a renewed resolve to complete this assignment. I was also at a crossroad in deciding how to divide my time between writing, beading (for income-generation) and the other activities demanding my attention. I had also just done a study of Leviticus; I understood from there that the offering we bring to God must be carefully considered and prepared, wholesome, choice and without defect. God deserves the best we can offer. So I needed to understand what God is asking of me.

How do I write as an offering of praise and thanksgiving to God?

I pondered on this question and posed the same to my husband as I sought his help in understanding this instruction. His response was that it is not about the quantity of time I spend writing but it is about my heart and motive. This helped me somewhat to address the conflict in my heart regarding spending time writing, and my desire to generate income by devoting attention to my beading business.

An Offering of Praise and Thanksgiving:

True offering of praise and thanksgiving must be in response to the works of God in our lives, that is, a spontaneous acknowledgement of the benefits we enjoy from God. True offering is expression of thankfulness, in obedience to God’s word, and with reliant prayer—relying on God to provide sufficient for our needs. It is an act of worship—giving to God the honour due to Him.

A sacrifice of praise is the fruit of lips that thankfully acknowledge, confess and glorify God’s name (Hebrews 13:15-16). It is to be offered constantly and at all times, in proclamation of the power and might of God (Ps 68:34), with genuine trust in God, and with joy (Ps 27:6).

An offering of praise cannot be acceptable to God if it is offered with wilful disobedience in our lives (Hosea 14:2), compromise in our relationships, and corruptions in our speech (Leviticus 1:3).

 It has to be purposeful.  Not an empty ritualistic sacrifice. It has to be from the heart with reverence and awe of God. I am not doing God a favour bringing an offering of praise and thanks to Him. He is not dependent on my offering but He demands my heart—my motive must be to please God, to pay homage due to Him and to acknowledge His goodness. Therefore, my offering of praise must  continually spring from a thankful heart. It is confessing who God really is to me. A sacrifice of praise and thanks offered out of a sincere heart is acceptable to God.

We have been called to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice to God. We are also admonished that in all we do, we must do as unto God. It therefore means that my whole life must be an offering of praise to God. My writing is just an aspect of this.

Writing as an Offering of Praise and Thanksgiving:

I have no inkling of doubt that Writing is a ministry God called me to do. The ability to create with words is a God-given gift, which I am called to use for His glory. In understanding God’s instructions to write as an offering, I came to know that it applies to all my writings—the book and my blog are just channels through which I share the messages in my heart by the leading of the Holy Spirit, to inspire hope and encourage people.

It therefore means that I have to write with the following guiding principles:

-          In obedience to God. Whether in writing the book or writing the messages on the blog, it must be in response to the leading of God.

-          My writing has to be motivated by an appreciation of what God has done in my life. I must write with a grateful heart acknowledging God’s immerse goodness to me.

-          It has to be with compassion and sensitivity, and in response to the suffering of others. Therefore, I cannot write with calluses and hardness in my heart.

-          It will sometimes be at a cost. David said that he will not offer to God that which cost him nothing (2 Sam 24:4).

-          I will have to trust and depend on God to take care of my needs.

The last two posts on the blog “We Call, He Answers And He Reveals" and “Scars, Calluses And Hardness In The Heart" were the two toughest blog posts I have written since I started blogging. The decision to write these posts was very difficult.  Second only to the decision to be willing to share my personal life including my pains, trials, struggles and afflictions publicly on the blog, fully aware that it will not only make me vulnerable but also put my life and my family on display. And I had decided a long time ago never to be a subject of pity.

It was also challenging because I was calling not only myself but others to be vulnerable—be willing to open their pains and hurts up for healing, and to be willing to admit that there are scars, calluses and hardness in their hearts. And to willingly let go of those who have hurt and offended them. In sharing these hard truths, I was taking a risk as these persons may distant themselves from me in a reaction to this post. Following God’s leading had to come first before any other consideration if my writing is to be a sacrifice of praise to God.

Since I cannot exceed the truth in expressing the goodness of God, my offering therefore is genuine when it is about God's goodness. When this forms the foundation of my writing—the truth of God’s goodness—it makes my writing sincere and genuine.

It was, therefore, a joy on Monday, October 27^th to read “Six tips For Christian Bloggers/Writers" on Imperfectly Perfect Lives.  It confirmed God’s instructions to me.

Unforgiveness, Holding to Hurts and an Offering of Praise: 

As soon as I wrote the above caption, I realised that unforgiveness and offering of praise to God cannot co-habit—the two words simply don’t go together in the same phrase.

The Bible says in Matthew 5:23-24:

“Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.…”

From the foregoing, only reconciliation and forgiveness can co-habit with genuine offering of praise that is acceptable to God. Nothing else we do matters as long as we are harbouring unforgiveness, anger and malice, and holding someone—perhaps a child of God created in God’s image—bound in the prison of our hearts.

Simply put, our offering of praise cannot be acceptable to God if it is coming from an unforgiving and harden heart. We cannot truly offer praise with sincerity and in obedience to God out with unforgiveness in our hearts.

It means that I can forgive those who hurt me and be the first to make a move towards reconciliation and restoring a broken relationship as an acknowledgement and appreciation of the undeserved mercy God has shown to me. Though, it is never easy to let go of hurts and pain but when done in obedience to God, it becomes a sacrificial offering acceptable to God.

I received a novel titled, Burning Hurt, from a dear Sista in Nigeria last weekend. I read the book in five hours. It was the fastest I have ever read a book. Written by Unyime-Ivy King, Burning Hurt, confirmed to me in strong terms that hurting people hurt others and that we have to forgive to be free. We have to forgive to offer an acceptable sacrifice of praise to God.

In concluding this post, I want you to know that God loves the sinner but He hates sin. I am created to reflect the image of God, therefore like God, I can separate the offender from the offense, and give the offender a gift of mercy and forgiveness as an offering of praise to God. This way, I can deal with the suggestion that I am giving the offender a free-pass. It also means that I trust God to act on my behalf and vindicate me. Since Jesus, our Senior Advocate, has never lost a case we can assured that He will act in our best interest.

My dear Friends, you can stand on this truth.

God deserves the best in everything we offer to Him. If we are to live our lives for His glory as a 

living sacrifice acceptable to Him then we have to offer God our best in everything we do, starting with our heart.

I have a clearer understanding of God’s instruction now. I can write, and indeed live my whole life, as an offering of praise to God. What about you? Would you consider making every aspect of your life an offering of praise to God?

To Share Or Not To Share: Part 2

First of all, let me apologize for my absence from this space for the past two weeks. I had many balls to juggle in the air. I cannot complain because it has been my prayer to be gainfully engaged but I did not anticipate the overwhelming volume of things that would daily demand my urgent attention. I learnt to commit my arm-long list of things-to-do to God each day in prayer and keep my focus on His agenda.

This blog refused to be written in a hurry. When I started the discussion three weeks ago, I did not expect the volume and seriousness of the response it would generate. I am very grateful to all those who responded both on the blog and by email. Thank you very much for your contributions. They were insightful.

There were many viewpoints provided and a number of issues highlighted. It appeared that this is an issue that many couples are struggling with. Also, I got some feedback that were personal and required some counselling. It was at this point that I decided to go back to the Lord in prayer. I needed His leading and guidance to address this issue and in particular to give the right counsel to those who presented personal situation.

Pooling together all the contributions I received, with a further study of the Word and vast literature available on the subject, I would like to address this issue from three premises:

1.       God’s plan and desire for marriage.

2.       What secrets, lies and withholding information does to the relationship.

3.       Instances when discretion and sound judgment is required.

God’s plan and desire for marriage:

We can glean from Genesis 2: 24 – 25 that God desired for a man to be united to his wife and for the two to become one flesh. Then, we note that the two were both naked and they felt no shame: “they were not ashamed.” That is, not embarrassed in each other’s presence

We can conclude from these two verses and many others that referred to it in the New Testament, that God’s will is for husband and wife to be in spiritual and functional unity, walking in integrity and serving God together. “The biblical concept of marriage is an oneness between two individuals that pictures the oneness of Christ with His church.  When this harmony, unity and oneness is operative, the entire society prospers under the hand of God” (1).

Both the husband and the wife are expected to supply what the other lack so that they can become truly one flesh in complete unity, complementing each other.

“Nakedness suggests that they were at ease with each other without any fear of exploitation”

– Bible Knowledge Commentary.

This is the degree of fellowship that God intended for marriage, where there is no fear of exploitation or a potential for evil to be done to one another, but a depth of trust which indicates that they will both act in the best interest of each other. Anything that will cause a couple not to be at ease and open to each other has the potential to destabilize the unity and harmony God intends for them to share.

True friends should not feel the need to hide what they are doing from each other. “And the Lord said, shall I hide from Abraham that which I do?” (Gen. 18:17). Abraham was a friend of God. True friends communicate freely with each other without fear. Husbands and wives should shared such an intimate relationship, which allows for free and open communication.

Openness is what God designed for marriage as they become one flesh. God’s desire is for husband and wife to have a marriage where secrets cannot have a foothold.

Secrets, lies and withholding information does and its effect on the relationship:

Surprises are great in a marriage once in a while but they are not likely to be a constant dynamics of the relationship. 

“Where transparency and trust are the forefront of a marriage, surprises should never be a problem” – Kate Aldrich (www.onefleshmarriage.com)

Secrets are those things you do not INTEND to tell your spouse. Secrets will keep us from connecting at a deeper level. Keeping secrets imply a certain level of “shadiness” that will limit openness in a relationship. Withholding information and keeping secrets can be counter-productive to growing an open, honest and healthy relationship. Once it becomes easy to keep “little secrets” it will not be long before we begin to keep big secrets, which would be detrimental to our marriage.

Sharing information should be a constant practice in trust and honesty. Open and honest communication is not only the best way to build a healthy relationship, it is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Indeed, trust and honesty are the backbones of a good relationship.

Secrecy robs the relationship of intimacy. It creates a gulf between the couple. The more you hide from each other, the more you turn away from each other, and the wider the gulf becomes. Even when physical intimacy appears to be ok or even great, emotional and spiritual intimacy becomes limited and strained.

-          How can you truly be one flesh with someone you cannot share your heart with, someone locked out of the some areas of your life?

-      How can you pray in unity with someone you are lying to or not telling the truth when asked?

What is the motive for not sharing? The crux of the matter is still WHY we are withholding information from each other.

-          Is it in the best interest of the other party?

-          Does it require lying or sidestepping the truth?

There should not be any sphere of our lives as a couple that is not accessible to the person we are one flesh with in a healthy marriage. That does not how mean that we don’t occasionally need our space or time alone, which is by mutual consent.

Instances when discretion and sound judgment is required:

I would like to share two Biblical stories as case studies of when discretion and sound judgment were exercised in the Bible with regard to sharing information.

Abigail:

The Bible noted in 1Samuel 25 that she was an intelligent and beautiful woman with good understanding. She was married to Nabal. Her husband was described as churlish, mean, wicked and evil in his doing. No one can talk to him – does what he wants to do regardless of the consequences. He was an ungrateful man, who could not show even the required societal courtesy. His wickedness put his family at a great risk.

When Abigail was informed of her husband’s action and the evil that has been determined against her household. Her reaction was spontaneous – she wasted no time to initiate remedial action (1Samuel 28:18). Note verse 19: “…But she did not tell her husband Nabal” what she was going to do. Wisdom dictated that she took action without her husband’s knowledge.

She pleaded and interceded for her unthinking and unwise husband, and her entire household. She also prevented David from having on his conscience the burden of needless bloodshed. After she had succeeded in averting evil from her household, she went to her husband to tell him. Here again, she exercised discretion and wisdom by waiting for the right time, she told him nothing because he was drunk. She waited until morning when he had become sober, and she told him ALL that had happened.

She did not lie to her husband about the events that took place neither did she withhold the information from him. But knowing the kind of man her husband was, she managed the situation with discretion, good judgment and wisdom. At the appropriate time she told him everything.

There are still men and women who don’t listen to others and only do what they want to do even to the extent of putting their families at risk. If you are married to such a person how can you exercise discretion in managing sensitive situations in your relationship without telling lies and being dishonest with your spouse?

When crisis thrusts itself on us, we need to take a tight rein on ourselves and let the Holy Spirit guide. I believe we should not depend on our own reasoning to deal with such a situation but on God’s grace and help, and expect His grace to work on our behalf. We can also seek counsel from respected Christians.

Abraham (Genesis 22):

Abraham and Sarah waited 25 years for Isaac, the child of promise, to be born. Then, God tested Abraham by asking him to sacrifice his only son whom he loved on a mountain he was to be shown. The Bible recorded that early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey and took his servants and his son with him on the journey. His response was instant and of unquestioning obedience.

The question as raised by some of the contributors to this discussion was; did Abraham consult with Sarah overnight and told her about God’s instruction? Obviously the answer is a resounding NO! I don’t believe that Sarah or any woman for that matter would have willingly given up a child, she waited so long for without a strong argument.

But Abraham knew God as a covenant keeping God. He knew that in matters concerning God’s clear instructions, he could not consult with flesh and blood but simply to act in quiet submissive obedience.

I learnt from this story that there will be instances when we cannot consult with flesh and blood when God gives a clear instruction that requires our submissive obedience. I believe that under such circumstances God’s grace will also be available to the spouse to understand why such obedience is required and be supportive of it.

Some other highlights from the feedback:

-          While transparency is important, a couple may need to exercise discretion in sharing something a third party had shared in confidence. When this is shared between the couple, it should be only for the purpose of praying and not for discussion with another person.

-          God said that two is better than one. It is important that couples should make decisions about issues that concerns their lives together.

-          Keeping secrets from our spouse erodes confidence and creates opportunities for suspicion and distrust.

God is a God of knowledge, by Him are actions weighed. He knows us inside out and He know the motive behind all we do. We will account to Him for all our actions. It is possible to take remedial actions when we have not acted right, but first seek God’s face and guidance, and possibly godly counsel.

Today’s post has been long and extensive in the bid to cover as much angle as possible on this subject. I pray that you will all experience the true oneness that God designed for your marriage and trust that it will enrich your relationship.

1.       http://www.studymode.com/essays/Anthropology-Marriage-And-Divorce-1007854.html

Compelling Motivation

When I concluded my blog post last week; Stay Focused, I realized that we will need something to keep us focused especially when it gets really hard and we are faced with obstacles. The more I meditated on this, the more I realized that what we need is a compelling motivation. As I researched and prepare this blog post, I began to understand that there is more to compelling motivation than its application to staying focused.

During my days in the university campus, I attended a number of Marriage Seminars, especially as a postgraduate student. At one of such annual seminars, the speaker stated that, it is essential for us to know why we were convinced that the person we desire to marry is God’s will for us. She noted that such convictions will become very important later on in the marriage. So she encouraged all the singles at the event to examine their hearts, wait in the presence of God, and be convinced that they are in the will of God before proceeding in their relationships.

I also have asked this question of many intending couples, I have by the grace of God, had the opportunity to talk with during pre-marriage counselling sessions.

Why do you think this person is God’s will for you?

What are your convictions from God about the individual you want to be married to?

Why him or why her?

The truth of the matter is that these convictions will become the compelling motivation that will keep you going when the marriage is hit by the dark seasons of “for poorer, for worse and in sickness.”

I know this from experience. My marriage has experienced all the seasons we pledged in our wedding vows: “for better for worse, for richer for poorer, and in sickness and health…” Knowing without any iota of doubt in my heart that God brought my husband and I together for a purpose, kept us through the difficult and challenging seasons. I love, respect and appreciate him more today, through all we have experienced together as couple, than on the day I first found I’m in love with him 24 years ago. That love has grown and matured, having been tested by fire.

This principle of having a deep personal conviction based on the knowledge of God’s will and faith in His leading, wisdom and guidance, is applicable to everything we do in all the spheres of our lives. My friend and Sista, Bidemi Mark-Mordi in her recent blog post, Is Your Wheel Balanced?, referred to these spheres of our lives as “the seven spokes of a wheel: spiritual, family, financial, physical, mental, personal and career.”

Every aspects of our lives must be governed by the same principle:

http://www.languagepossible.com/2011/12/what-motivates-you/

Why are you doing what you are doing in each area?

Why are you pursuing a particular goal, dream or vision?

What are you seeking to achieve at the end of it all?

Bottom-line:

What is the why behind what you are doing or what you want to do? Your convictions. Your driving force.

http://hoopboost.blogspot.ch/2012/02/how-hungry-are-you.html

Motives are what lie behind an action and they determine whether the act is righteous or sinful, good or bad. It is the moral reason for doing what we do. It is possible to do the right things for the wrong reasons.

These moral reasons must be compelling because they must be able to capture and hold our attention in a strong, powerful and irresistible way. So compelling motivations refers to the strong and irresistible moral reasons for doing what you do. They lie deep in the heart and in the foundation of every Christian life. Without a compelling motivation, you will not be able to endure to the end,

What are your motives?

Could it be: Passion, Possession, Position or Popularity?

If these are the motives compelling your decisions and actions, first they will not sustain you when the going gets rough. Secondly, they will push you into the rat race and further away from the will of God to the place where the end is used to justify the means. That is not the place you want to be as a Christian. It is a place where integrity is sacrificed at the altar of gain, where long term pleasure is sacrificed for immediate gratification and where the focus is on now instead of eternity.

A compelling motivation,

Takes hold and manifests,

To possess as if obsessed,

Without question to where one is destined.

Lawrence S. Pertillar

  

Compelling Motivation to live a godly life:

For those of us who are called by the name of God—Christians, what should be our compelling motivation?

God has done so much for us, He has been so gracious to us, and has loved us with such great love that we must therefore give loving, grateful answer to that goodness by living a faithful and fruitful life. Therefore, gratitude to God is a very strong reason to live a godly life. A truly grateful heart will long to demonstrate its thankfulness by pleasing the One Who has been kind and generous to him. A Christian lives a godly life because by doing so, he is showing gratitude and thankfulness to the God, his Saviour.

Another compelling motivation for living godly life is the fear of God’s judgment. That is, the fear of the immediate and future consequences of disobeying God. Closely related to this, is the reward for living faithful and righteous life in this life and in the one which is to come. “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil” (2Cor 5:10). We also know that each of us will give account of himself before God, our Father (Romans 14:12). A consideration of this should prompt us to faithfulness in our walk and relationship with God. It is a very strong moral reason to desire to live a holy and godly life before God and men.

“There is no more compelling motivation to worthwhile endeavors than the knowledge that we are children of God, that God expects us to do something with our lives and that He will give us help when help is sought.”

– Gordon B. Henkley

Compelling Motivation to stay focused and committed:

The desire to do what God has called you to do will keep shining as light in the darkness of difficulties, opposition and obstacles, you may face in the process of doing what you know God has called you to do.

Therefore, your conviction is based on the fact that you know that God has called you into that particular relationship, or to a ministry, or an assignment or to fulfil a purpose. You know that the vision and dream in your heart is God-given and oriented towards accomplishing something in God’s grand plan. Given this conviction, you can keep doing what you know God has called you to do, even when you are faced with resistance or opposition or you cannot see the immediate impact of what you are doing.

I know I am called to write. I cannot but write. Despite the many obstacles I have faced in the process of writing and the time and resources it requires, I simply cannot stop writing. I am learning each day to depend on Him for the grace and the willingness to write the words He gives me to write. I am learning to trust Him to take care of those who read these words and use them to touch their lives for good and to make a difference in their lives. I am also learning to rely on Him to take care of my needs as I obediently pursue the task assigned to me even when it is very hard. I am convinced that He is able to take my writing to the highest level He has in mind for me.

Do you know what God has called you to do? What has been the compelling motivation keeping you on the track and focused on the goal? Share with us and let us encourage one another.

I will continue this blog post next week as I expound on compelling motivations to keep us committed in our relationships and to keep abounding in good works. Until then, may the Lord grant you an ever-increasing revelation of the knowledge of His will to give you strong irresistible moral reasons to stay faithful to Him and His calling upon your life.

Be Prepared_Part 2

Twice within the first week of this New Year, I was challenged not to focus on making New Year resolutions this year, but to focus on something else and that is, RESOLVE.

According to Jeff Goins (Author and Blogger), “While the words are similar, the difference in meaning is significant: A resolution is something you make; resolve is something you have.” Resolve is about making a definite and serious decision to do something. It is not wishing to do but taking concrete steps to do. My Pastor in his sermon on the first Sunday of 2014 said that often New Year resolutions are made on trivial issues, which we try to accomplish by willpower, but willpower does not last. 

Resolve is what will help us to standout and demonstrate our uniqueness and to pursue God's unique purpose for our lives.

We will be able to accomplish the dreams and desires of our hearts based on God’s promises to us and the change we so earnestly desire, if we will firmly purpose in our minds to do something concrete and definite that will lead us to the fulfillment of God’s plans for us. This will require determination and discipline, and the conviction that we can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us.

Our next line of action must therefore be to prepare to receive the answers to the requests and petitions we have made to Him. I believe we all have great expectations for 2014, not only at personal level, but also for our families, our friends, our churches, our communities and nations. I certainly do. As I indicated in my blog post last week, Be Prepared, in anticipation of the fulfillment of these great expectations, we have a part to play which is predicated on what we resolve to do.

Resolve to trust in God Who sees and hears:

As God’s servants, we are to trust His Word and to wait for its fulfillment, enduring patiently to the end. Anyone who owes his existence to divine election ought to live by faith and trust in God Who elected him. We are assured as God’s people that we have a living and covenant-keeping God Who sees and hears us (Gen 16:13, 21:17, Ps. 118:21).

Twice Hagar cried to God when she was abandoned and rejected. God heard her cry of misery and saw her plight. Twice, He answered her and produced miracles for her. If He can do that for Hagar, the bond woman, on the basis of His covenant with Abraham, how much more would He gladly do for us who are redeemed by the precious blood of His Son, Jesus Christ.

When God gives us a promise, let us wait patiently for its fulfillment no matter how long it may seem to take to come to pass. He will always do as He promised. So we must resolve this year that we will guard our faith and trust in God. He will not leave us alone or abandon us.

Resolve to enquire from the Lord:

David frequently sought God’s instruction, counsel and direction before making big decisions. Nine times in the Bible, David enquired of the Lord, “Shall I….?” At each time, God answered and graciously gave him clear and definite answers/instructions. Many of these are recorded in 1Samuel chapter 23. David, even clarified the instructions in 2Sam 2:1, “By which way shall I go?” It was not enough for him to know that he can go ahead with his plan but he wanted to know exactly how he should go about it. 

In 2Sam 5:23, God’s instruction to him was very specific. He said, “Do not go straight up, but circle around behind them and attack them in front of the balsam trees" (NIV). "You shall not go up: circle around behind them and come upon them in front of the mulberry trees." - 2Sam 5:23 (KJV). Please pay attention to the details in this instruction. He was told exactly what, how and where to do. With such definite guidance, David was certainly on course to victory.

If we are going to do great exploits for God and His Kingdom in 2014, if we are going to see our expectations fulfilled and our dreams come true, we will have to be prepared to seek God’s face for direction. We will have to be willing to wait in His presence for instructions. Even more importantly, we must resolve to obediently follow God’s instructions to the letter. David resolved to depend on God for victory and for providence. He disciplined himself to seek for God’s instructions. We must resolve this year not to take any action without first seeking God’s counsel. It is a foolish thing to present God with a fait accompli —a finished plan.

Resolve not to be paralyzed by fear and opposition:

Not everyone you share your dreams and great expectations with, will cheer you on. There are those who will oppose you and there will be those who will discourage you. If you focus on your current circumstances and the limitations looming before you, the fear of “how can this be?” will also cripple you into inaction. In the name of the Lord, we are enabled to push back every opposition and push through every limitation. Though the giants may be on our way to hinder, but God has surely given us victory.

I pray that at each time you are faced with opposition and you feel discouraged, God will raise up for you, friends who would say to you, “fear not” and strengthen your resolve to wait and hold on to God, just as Jonathan did for David.

Resolve to cast your all cares on God:

Do not put your confidence in man, either for them to be loyal to your cause or support you in your quest to fulfill destiny. But trust only in the Lord for help and counsel. The arms of flesh will fail. The things I am looking up to God and trusting Him for in 2014, are too big to depend on men to help me. I have to totally rely and depend on God for them to be accomplished, and trust Him to work in mysterious ways His wonders to perform in my life. He will send me help for Zion and aid from His holy place. He is able to connect each of us to the helpers He has raised up for us ahead of this time.

Also, we cannot afford to trust on our own understanding but in all our ways acknowledge Him and He will prosper all that concerns. Even when it comes to claiming our rights and what is rightfully ours, it is instructive to first of all seek God’s counsel and trust in His ability to help us (1Sam 30:8, 2Sam 2;1-2).

The Lord is with us. He is our Helper. He hears us when we cry out to Him. He gives us victory on all sides, indeed over every work of unrighteousness arisen against us. So, dear friends, resolve right from the onset to give all the glory to God for every victory, for every promised fulfilled, for every prayer answered and for every desire accomplished. David gave glory to God for every victory God gave him.

I know that God miraculously cares for the dependent and faithful believer. So, I want to encourage you not to let anything or anyone prevent you from fulfilling God’s purpose for your life this year. Resolve to depend on Him every step of the way.

Dear Friends, what are your expectations, desires and dreams for 2014? What would you resolve to do as you prepare to receive them? Share with us in the comment box and let us uphold one another in prayers.

May the Lord God in Whose presence we walk habitually, send His Angel with you and make your way prosperous and successful in 2014.