A Quest To See And Value Your Amazingness – Part 2

Watch what you are seeing or focusing your attention on. Because what you focus your attention on feeds your mind and what you think about the most affects your attitude.

When we focus our attention on the things we don’t have yet, we miss the opportunity to be grateful for the things we have. We miss the amazing goodness of God on display in our lives every day when we grumble and complain about the things we want and have yet to receive.

In the first part of this blog post, I shared an example of how I failed to take note of the amazingness of my husband while focussing more on what I desired of him. My husband champions my cause. He promotes my interest, and he acts with my best interest at heart. It is very easy to miss the many quiet and seemly little ways he does this. And in missing them, I also fail to acknowledge and appreciate them. This can happen to any of us, even with the best intentions, if we have not made a conscious and deliberate decision to pay attention to the good in our spouse; to seek to see and value the unique and amazing things they do, which we often take for granted.

Our arch-enemy, the devil, is hell-bent on attacking Christian marriages. And it seems unwittingly, we are collaborating with him. We are not fighting a good fight for our marriages. We have become lethargic and slothful in this battle to erode the foundation of Christian marriage. A friend once said to me that we, the Christians, are no longer making marriages attractive. The world cannot seem to see the difference between us who professes to have God as the cornerstone of our marriage and those who don’t.

A Conscious Decision:

Craig Groeschel in his article; “It can be as good as you decide” made a profound statement that he and his wife decided their marriage will be as good as they decide it to be. They decided. They made the decision that come what may; their marriage will be good. It was a deliberate, conscious decision. They decided that they would seek God together, pray together and put God first. They decided that they would always fight towards resolution instead of towards winning, which left plenty of room for forgiveness and love. Simply put, they decided that they will make their marriage as good as they can for each other with the help of God.

They, the two of them, decided. It is taking both of them working together as one. They chose a focus for their marriage. They decided what they were going to allow to guide their attention and what will keep them working at making their marriage work.

You can decide how good your marriage will be. That is the starting point. It becomes the guiding principle for the marriage; that through the storms and the struggles we will do everything in our power to make our marriage good.

A critical element of making our marriage good is seeking to see the good in our spouse. It is paying attention to the good and unique qualities in them, acknowledging it, appreciating it and thanking God for it.

“One of the greatest secrets to a happy marriage is gratitude. Thankfulness. An overt recognition of your spouse’s amazingness” – Shauna Feldhahn.

What You Are Thinking About Matters:

You see, what you focus your attention on about your spouse will feed your thoughts about him/her—what you will be meditating on about your spouse. Eventually, what you are thinking about the most about your spouse will affect your attitude towards him/her. If your mind is filled with negative thoughts about your spouse, you will become emotionally disconnected with him/her. That will create a gap between the two of you.

Take a moment to ponder on this. Very often we find ourselves moody, cranky and sour towards our spouses. Check what you had been meditating on before your mood became foul and sour. It is most likely that you have been meditating on your spouse’s shortcomings, and weaknesses, and before long you are building an argument ready to react to him/her on the issue. Sometimes, what you are building an argument against in your heart has not even happen yet. It is simply an outcome of the subtle suggestions of the enemy. If you don’t pay attention to the negative suggestions that the enemy drops in your mind but spend time mulling over these negative suggestions, they will take root and begin to sour your attitude.

When the enemy turned on the bad channel, we need to consciously change the channel and keep changing it even when it appeared that it is automatically reverting to the bad channel. You actively change the channel by fixing your thoughts on what is right, true, pure, honourable, excellent, and of good report. Then you go a step further, and you speak it out so your ears can hear the truth of God’s Word against the lies suggested by the enemy.

Seek to see good:

Quit complaining, nagging and focusing on what your spouse is not doing right and where he/she is yet to come to par. But start taking note of and appreciating the good qualities in your spouse—there must be some if you have chosen to marry him/her. It is when you begin to notice the amazingness of your spouse, acknowledging and appreciating it that you will be able to draw out the other good qualities you desire to see in your spouse. The more we neglect to see and appreciate the good that is present now in our spouses, the less we are likely to attract the good we want to see in them. 

When we make a conscious and deliberate effort to value the amazing qualities in our spouses, it helps us to expect and have the confident hope that these qualities will show up in their lives and impact our relationship. You simply need to have eyes that seek to find the good in your spouse and be keenly aware of their amazing value or attributes. Train your eyes to see the good in your spouse and watch that good revealed at every turn. Take note of it when it is revealed and go the extra mile to acknowledge and appreciate it.

Bridging the gulf

Are there dark corners in your life and your relationships? Areas where you are not open and honest with each other, where you have hidden stuff from each other. When you have such dark corners in your relationship, it cannot be truly illuminated, flooded with light as it ought to be so that you can be deeply and truly intimate with each other.

These dark corners bring tension into the relationship and often obliterate our vision and prevents us from seeing the true value and amazingness of our spouse. They fester as they become a cesspool of filth the enemy dumps on our minds about our spouse and our relationship. Therefore, a quest to see and value your spouse amazingness requires that you have open and honest conversations so that you can deal with those dark areas that have created a gulf between you.

To have the kind of marriage that God desires for us to have, both husband and wife will have to do their fair share of forgiving. Especially forgiving what will be considered unforgivable. Perhaps, your relationship has gone sour—your spouse has broken faith, and you have experienced betrayal. Maybe you are at the point of giving up on the marriage, and you simply cannot see good anymore. This is also a pivotal point to put forgiveness into action. Forgiving the unforgivable is reflecting the forgiving nature of our God who forgave us our sins while we were still yet sinners. Whatever the outcome, forgiving your spouse will be liberating for you.

“Marriage means persevering. It means never giving up on each other.”

The principles shared in this blog post applies to all our relationships. When we complain and grumble about the things that are not going right, and we see only the things our children, our friends and government are not doing right, we will fail to see the good in anyone or situation. We, therefore, cannot be thankful for what we fail to see.

This is even more important in our relationship with God. Do you have an attitude of gratitude and thankfulness that seeks to see the goodness of God daily and in every situation even when it seems hard? An attitude of gratitude and a mindset that seeks to see good will attract God’s favour towards us. Seek to see God's goodness each day even when it seems least visible and you will find His goodness functioning at its best on your behalf.

Happy Thanksgiving to all our friends in the United States.

Let’s all develop a lifestyle of thanksgiving as we seek to see and value the amazingness of God in our lives and in the lives of our loved ones.

This post is dedicated to the my amazing husband. I am blessed to have you in my life. You are much loved, valued and appreciated.

A Quest To See And Value Your Amazingness Part 1

It has been a long while since I wrote to enrich marriages. I have not lost sight of this part of my commitment to my readers to enrich relationships, especially marriages. I stumbled on some quotes and messages in the past few weeks coupled with my personal experience that brought enriching relationships back to the front burner. I will share in this post nuggets I have gleaned from these purposeful enlightening experience.

Paul’s prayer in the Book of Ephesians struck me, and I found it instructive for this post. I will paraphrase Chapter 1 verse 18 as follows;

"I pray that your eyes of understanding will be focused, clear and enlightened (your hearts will be flooded with light) so that you may see exactly God is calling you to do, and know and understand the confident hope He has given to those He called;"

In verse 17, Paul prayed that Jesus Christ will give us spiritual wisdom and insight, making us intelligent and discerning so that we may grow in our knowledge of God; knowing Him personally, deeply and intimately.

We need spiritual wisdom and insight to know God intimately. We need to have our eyes sharpened and focussed to see the goodness of God in our every waking moment. It is very easy for our vision to be obscured by the challenges, adversities and problems we have in life that we fail to take note of, acknowledge and appreciate the goodness of God; we often to fail to pay attention to the good that God is doing in our lives each day. In failing to do so, we also fail to appreciate God and give thanks, praise and adoration to Him for His wonderful deeds. We also fail to give Him the glory due to Him. 

This lack of gratitude, appreciation and thankfulness hinders a close and intimate relationship with God. Because we will tend to complain and grumble more about the things we are yet to have or receive from God.

Seek To See Good:

We need to seek to see God's goodness each day even when it seems least visible, and we will find His goodness functioning at its best on our behalf. We have to train our eyes to see the good God richly pours out even in the midst of our trials. When we do so will see good revealed at every turn. If we don’t make a concerted and deliberate effort to see the good in our lives each day, our eyes and minds will always focus on the part of the cup that is empty and we will miss the many blessings already in the cup.

This truth is also applicable to our relationships. So often, we fail to see the good in the lives of those God has brought into our lives; these could be our spouses, siblings, friends, etc. While my emphasis in this blog will be on our relationship with our spouse, this principle is relevant to all our relationships.

A dear Senior Sista-Friend shared with me recently The UCB Word for Today devotional titled “Strengthen Your Marriage.” In this devotional, a couple celebrating their 50^th Wedding Anniversary shared three Cs that helped to strengthen their marriage.

1.       Commitment – putting the other person first

2.       Concern – genuinely seeking to find out what your spouse needs. “Because husbands and wives are as different as cheese and chalk.”

3.       Coping – “We can work it out.” You cannot always avoid conflict, but you can make it work for you.

A statement in the devotional caught fire in my spirit; “Closeness in marriage is not an accident; it is a decision you make, and keep making each day.”

I am strongly persuaded that one of the most important ways to develop emotional and spiritual intimacy in our marriage, and ultimately physical intimacy, is a quest to see and appreciate the good in our spouse. Beyond that, also to acknowledge and appreciate the good we see irrespective of the other changes our hearts desire to see in them. It is amazing what we can see and how much we can see when we give more than a cursory look and give attention to details.

Let me share my story with you to illustrate this point:

It was one of those weeks when so many things had to happen at the same time. It was also one of those weeks that my husband was at home in between long travels. We sat across each other on our dining table made of thousands of green glass smithereens sandwiched between two slabs of solid glass. The glass top dining table continues to be a source of inspiration to me and amazement to everyone who pays attention to it. Its uniqueness becomes more obvious as you take a closer look.

I was working with an intense focus on a protocol due for submission in less than 24 hours. My husband was also intently focused on the pile of envelopes on one side of his laptop, which he moved to the other side after working on the content of each envelope. I looked up occasionally from my laptop, wanting to catch his eyes on me or catch him looking at me with a smile. It didn’t happen. So I continued with my work.

Suddenly, my nerves fired shots of electricity through my right stump, and I winced in pain. Repeated firings had me groaning out loud. I looked across the table at my husband. He was so wrapped up in what he was doing that he didn’t hear me groaning.

So I kicked him with my left leg under the table. His head shot up, and he looked straight at me;

“What?!”

“You are not paying attention to me.”

He furrowed his brow. His eyes bore into mine. I winced again as another shot fired up my stump.

“My stump… Electric shocks…”

“Oh, sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t hear you.” His face lightened up, and the furrow disappeared.

The firing finally stopped. He continued with what he was doing. I continued for a while,then paused to look at him. That was when I noticed the pile on the right side had reduced while the pile on the left side mounted up. I knew what he was doing all the while. We had discussed it before he started and he asked for some clarifications as he worked. All of a sudden, the eyes of my understanding was illuminated; I realised what I had come to take for granted.

My husband was paying bills. He was crunching numbers. He was making decisions on what has to be paid, what can be paid and what would have to wait another month. He has been doing this for years. We became a single-income family when I stopped working and earning regular income at the end of 2007 because my health went downhill. It was a big deal and a huge concern for me, not to be able to contribute towards our family income in a significant way. But I would compile the bills ready for discussion and decision since I was at home all day and the one who takes receipt of the bills. In the last year leading to the lungs transplantation and the amputation of my legs, I could not even do this, and my husband had to take over completely, sorting and attending to the bills. While we discuss major stuff and pray together for God to supply our needs. Somehow, God makes provision for the huge pile of bills that comes in every month to get paid and to sustain us. The salary was just not enough.

So while I was getting angry at my husband for not paying the kind of attention I wanted to me, after all it was just the two of us at home, he was paying intent attention to keep us financially afloat. And I almost missed the intense effort he puts in every month to get it done, despite his heavy workload and frequent travels.

When we discussed the incidence later, I realized that I also missed one of the good that God did for us this year. For the past several years, my medical bills ran into many multiple hundreds of thousands Swiss francs. But in 2015, we had paid only a minute fraction in medical bills compared with the previous years. A huge hole in our finances had been sealed.

I knew more than ever before that I needed to retrain my eyes to focus on the awesome goodness of God, which He daily pour out on us. I also knew that I needed to have my eyes sharpened and focussed to see and value the amazingness of my husband; not once in all these years had he ever complained about the huge burden my medical issues had posed to our lives and our finances.

To be continued in Part 2.

Celebrating Life, Love And God’s Faithfulness

The ducks quacked. The little boy on his green scooter echoed the quacking. He raced on and hi-five his mother. She laughed. I smiled. The deep blue Lake Leman merged with sky blue horizon over Evian on the other side of the lake. 

I took it all in. My heart rejoiced in God for the gift of life. Everything around me echoed life; the laughter of the two men sitting on the quay, the old couple smiling at them and the gentle lapping of the waves against the rock boulders.
 

Even the grey tree beside with its crown of many stumps whispered as the cool breeze from the lake passed through them; "watch out, I'll soon be green and full of life again!" I smiled and looked up to the sun blazing above it. Its warmth caressed my face.

April is a month of celebration of life, love and God's faithfulness to me. It is a month of celebrating the amazing love God so extravagantly lavished on me and my family. There are many significant landmark events in my life in April. But it is also a sober celebration, reflecting on the God's mercies to me. Indeed, it is by the mercies of God that I was not consumed. The hands of God kept so that I won't give up.

I had walked 1.5km by myself, up and down a steep slope to the bank, the florist, the shop and now at the lakeside in Versoix. It was April13th. My initial plan was to buy a bunch of long stem white roses and put them in the Lake. But, as I walked to the florist, I had a strong urge in my heart to send the flowers to someone incapacitated and with no friend. I knew where to find such as a person. So I ordered the flowers and gave instructions to the florist. Deep furrows creased above her brows.

"Do you mind if I ask you why?"

I shook my head and smiled, "Two years ago today, someone gave me a precious gift of new lungs."

The furrows disappeared and her face lit up, "how are you doing?"

"Great. Thanks be to God."

As I sat on the wooden brown chair gazing into the horizon, my heart went out to my Unknown Benefactor, I wished I still bought a stem of white rose, perhaps another day. It was sufficient that someone would smile the following morning.
 

My heart rejoiced in the Lord as I celebrate life and God's faithfulness.

I am a living testimony
I could have been dead and gone
But Lord, You let me live on
I am living testimony
And I thank the Lord; I'm still alive.

 (The Williams Brothers, I Am A Living Testimony)

Many times during the following days, I paused and pondered, “What was it like for my husband going through the days after the transplantation?” The surgeons told him the surgery went well. Then, they told him there had been some complications shortly afterwards. He sat by my bedside day in day out as I laid deep in a coma. I wondered what must have been going through his mind leaving the hospital, driving home, coming into our bedroom without knowing if or when I would be back home with him again.

My son told me he was calm, and he kept saying, "It is well." Perhaps, one day, he will write and share his story.
 

We both sighed. "Blessed be God" he whispered, as we drove on the highway passed the exit to Lausanne leading to the hospital last Thursday (April 16th). We were going to Bern. The exit was about 40km from Geneva. He drove this way, sometimes twice a day during the period I was in the hospital, until I came out of the coma and was strong enough to be airlifted back to Geneva.

I turned and looked at him, his gaze fixed on the road ahead, and I knew what was going through his mind.

Later that day and the following day, I was reminded again that I have every reason to celebrate life and God's faithfulness. I remembered my friend, Funmi Adewole. She went home to be with the Lord, on Friday April 17th, 2013.

I learnt about her home-going a few weeks after I came out of the coma. I was shocked, perplexed and confused. There's no searching the knowledge and wisdom of God. He is all Sovereign. He does what pleases Him. I could not fathom why He took Sally home and allowed me to come back from the valley of the shadow of death. She was a vibrant and passionate Christian. Her legacy lives on. In her death, she is still touching lives for good.

That was when I knew without any iota of doubt that my second chance at life is a gift from God to enable me fulfil specific and unique purposed. In her death, Funmi reminds me why I must leave behind a lasting legacy.
 

I thank the Lord; I'm still alive

My focus shifts back to my husband today. On Thursday, April 23rd, 1992, I married my friend. The fine man who has proved to be a treasure in heathen vessel. He is God's own special gift to me. He is a tremendous blessing to my life. He is my Chief Encourager, one-man cheer-leading squad and strong supporter. He bore the burden of caring for me through the twenty long years of affliction with grace. He carried my broken body with care and affection.
 

I feel truly blessed beyond measures and highly favoured, as I look forward to celebrating twenty-three years of doing life with this fine man, next Thursday. My heart overflows with joy and praise. I bless God, for my husband's devotion and commitment to our marriage and the sacred vows we shared that Thursday morning before God, our families and our friends. I thank God for the love and life we have shared to date. I give praise to God for His mighty hands, which kept us through the storms.

We will take our celebration of life, love and God's faithfulness to the next level on Saturday, April 25th, as we Hit The Street to raise 15,000 Swiss Francs to provide prosthetic limbs for amputees.

Dear Friends, wherever you may be, you can support my friends and me for the 5k Charity Walk. Together, we can make the dreams of these amputees come true. Leave a message in the comment box below for more details.

In what ways are you celebrating God’s faithfulness in your life this month? Share with us in the comment box and let’s give praise to God together for His steadfast love that never ceases and His mercies that never come to an end.

To Share or Not To Share

In today’s blog post, I want to initiate a discussion, which I hope all my readers will be willing to contribute to. I will pose a number of questions to guide this discussion.

Recently, I planned a surprise party to celebrate my husband’s 50^th birthday. In order to keep the surprise element, I had to do a number of things behind his back, withhold important information and limit what I shared with him.

This was the most difficult part of the process. There were many times that I had engaged in discussions with many of his old friends, especially those he had been out of touch with, in search of information about his days in the university. In my usual practice, I would download my entire day including conversations I had to him at the end of the day, when we are together. But during this period, I had to exercise extreme caution not to share this information with him.

I guarded my cell phone as if my life depended on it. It is not unusual for him to pick my phone when it rings and answer it for me or read out incoming text messages to me. It was an edgy, stand-on-the-toes period for me. I felt very bad on a number of occasions that I could not share important information with him. There was once he was worried that he had not heard from his longest friend despite trying to reach him a few times. I had spoken to the friend, and knew what was going on at his end but could not offer any reassurance to my husband as I would have had to explain why I could reach his friend and he could not. Some of our friends had limited contact with him so as not to accidentally divulge information about the event.

There was another occasion when I was alone at home and needed to go out to make arrangements for the venue of the event. At that time, I needed some assistance to get ready if I had to go out. My house is on multiple levels and I required support moving from one level to the other. I had arranged for a friend to take me out. I managed to get ready by myself and went out to meet my friend. It was the first time I would leave the house without any assistance getting ready after a long period of time, and I could not share this joy with him when I spoke to him later in the day. That was difficult.

For some time, communication was strained and tense. I was not spontaneous as I normally would be in sharing information. I was too guarded. I knew he was aware that I was up to something and definitely would plan an event to celebrate his birthday, but I also knew he would wonder how I was going to do it when I could not go out on my own and there was no movement in the family account.

This scenario I described above did not pose any serious threat to our relationship, but this as well as other situations that I have been privy to in the past, got me thinking about the following:

•  To what extent should a couple withhold information from each other?
•  Under what circumstances can a couple refrain from sharing information with each other?
•  How do you maintain openness, transparency and communion in a relationship when a couple keep secrets from each other?
•  In what ways would withholding information from your spouse provide grounds for lying or sidestepping the truth?
• How do you tell the truth or share information when you know that it may grieve the person you are in relationship with?
• How important is information sharing in promoting trust and honesty between a couple?
• What should you share and what should you not share?
• When the Bible says that the two shall become one, does this imply sharing everything?
• Even when our intentions are good and we are trying to protect the other party in the relationship, how would they feel if they eventually find out the truth?
• What are the things that can erode trust in a relationship?

I have heard that the truth will always come out no matter how long it takes. If this be the case, what good does it serve to withhold the truth from the significant people that we are in relationship with?

Luke 8:17 says “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed (revealed), and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open,” what is the implication of this verse for those in a relationship?

I am not being naive. I know people who have found themselves in very difficult relationships where they have learnt to be guarded in what they share with their spouses as a coping mechanism. Neither am I after proposing an unnecessary argument or debate. However, I believe that there is something to discuss here that we all can learn from and thereby enrich our relationships.

My plan is to pool together salient points from your responses and prepare a blog post on this subject which I pray will help someone at a crossroad of decision making. 

Please do share your thoughts on this subject in the comment box below. 

I Celebrate You

Last weekend was about celebrating our loved ones, the significant people in our lives.

I am taking it a notch further this week. I had a period of reflection as I laid on my bed after arousing from sleep on Wednesday morning, and my mind went to some relationships I have had the opportunity to forge over the past years and recently too. I took special note of some in particular.

The more I pondered on these relationships, the more praise overflowed from my heart until songs of praise burst from my lips. I felt truly loved by God Who in His infinite wisdom connected my life with different groups of people who have become tremendous blessings to me. Here are two of them:

1. Long-term old friends. These are friends that I have known for many decades but have not seen for many years. Yet, at a phone call they are ready and willing to give a helping hand. I will cite some examples later.

2. Friends I made over the internet or through other friends who I have not had the opportunity to meet face-to-face, yet they have impacted me in a remarkable way.

Let me share some of the stories:

I was connected with AH through a long-term couple-friends of mine. My friend had raised a prayer request on my behalf in her prayer group in Seattle. One of the ladies eventually moved to Europe and my friend connected us. We kept in touch by email. She and her family later relocated back to US. A couple of years ago when my son was going to college, I emailed her and told her my husband and son were coming to US. I could not travel with them, to settle my son in college because of my medical situation. Not only did she accommodate my family during that period, she helped them with all the college shopping and transferred my son’s stuff to the campus. My son has a place to stay in her home whenever he is transiting between school and home. I am yet to meet her. I thank God for blessing me with such a generous friend.

I have seen my Chief Bridesmaid only twice since 1992. But we have maintained our friendship via phone calls, emails and over the internet. She has been a tremendous help and blessing to me. At a phone call, she will make herself available to me to help sort out one thing or the other, and this has happened more times than I could list or write about here. She is one of the many great friends I have abroad who have positioned themselves to be a helper and a blessing to my family and me. They offer their homes to my children and my husband during many travels. My children indeed have lost count of the number of non-biological aunties and uncles they have spread all over the world.

My husband and my friend who I had not seen since 2006 pulled a shocking surprise on me last Sunday, when she appeared besides me in church. My jaws literally dropped. I spoke with her the day before, she did not let on at all. Through her, I became connected with another lady who put herself at my mother’s disposal to be of great assistance to her. The lady left a lasting impression on my mother. The network of generous helpers just keep expanding.

I have yet another friend whom I have never met. The only contact I have with her is over the internet. I still cannot remember how I stumbled on her blog where she share creatively crafted poems, haikus and short stories. But she has become a source of inspiration and encouragement to me. She visits my blog regularly and leaves a comment. Each time I read her comment, I simply bless God. Writing can be a lonely experience at times, you spend a lot of time on your own staring at the screen. As a Christian writer, you pour hours into your writing driven by the desire to reach the world with messages that reflect the light of God’s glory and touch lives for good. Each time, I post a blog or share a piece of my writing, it is with a prayer that God would use the words He gave me to touch at least one life.

When friends write back or tell me that the message was timely, they gained from it or they were touched by it, my heart sings for joy. Why? Because it confirms to me that I heard God right on that one. Secondly, it is an affirmation that God hears my prayer that the words I have written will minister to someone at precisely the time in their lives when they need it. Thirdly, it is a honor to be used by God to fulfill His purpose and a joy to know you are fulfilling your calling. It is particularly touching when such messages come from people I have never met or seen before. God is truly awesome.

I share my story here on the blog. God has given me special blessings, trials and challenges unique to me. It will never cease to amaze me how these resonate with those who read what I share here. To the extent that I can joyfully thank God that my pains are not in vain. It is for the gain of others. Because God comforts us in our trials and tribulations, so that we may be able to comfort others in their troubles with the comfort which we ourselves are comforted (2Cor. 1: 3-5).

I have made numerous friends through the Writers’ groups and websites I subscribe to, through a foodie group I belong to on Facebook (So You Think You Can Cook), and Bead Jewelry makers whose creative work inspires me. I got connected with most of them through the internet and many have gone out of their way to share very useful tips, suggestions and “insider” information. They willing pointed me in the right direction at no personal benefit. I salute them for their generosity.

It is a privilege and honor to be blessed with such dear friends I can call at a time of need, who would respond positively and rise up to be my helper and friend in deed. Many times, I know that it is not out of convenience that the help is offered and given, it is often at a sacrifice. It is only God Who can reward them with the good measures, pressed down, shaken together and running over.

There are those wonderful friends who pray for me, pray with me and simply take it upon themselves to hold on to the hands of God on my behalf.  You are precious gems of God’s glory. I bless God for you.

After I spent time thanking and praising God for all these numerous relationships He graced my life with, I was truly awed at God’s awesome goodness.

Today, I celebrate all my friends and all those my life have been linked with for one purpose or the other as designed by God. Each of you in your unique ways made me more and more appreciative of God working in mysterious ways His wonders to perform in our lives.

A study of Jonathan’s love for David is illuminating (1Sam 18-20). It is a great example of selfless and heroic love. I cannot begin to write about the selfless and sacrificial love my friends have shown towards me. 

Today, I want to celebrate every one of you, I am honored to call friend.

What did I learn from these reflections?

It is that one of the ways to keep friendships strong is to actively nurture them. Friendships require nurturing by the parties involved in it. It simply doesn't just happen. Here are some of the ways you can nurture your relationship:

- Pray for one another

- Be present in the relationship. Even when you are separated by thousands of kilometers, with a little effort you can stay in touch with each other.

- Be the best you can be for each other. 

-  Act in their best interest.

To you, my dear friend, especially those I have not met yet or seen in a long time, I say, I look forward to seeing you someday soon if the Lord wills. If not, I hope to see you before the throne of grace. Be sure to be present there.

In what ways are you nurturing your relationships? Share with us in the comment box below and bless someone.

“Dear Heavenly Father, 
let the words that I write today reach one person with Your love and grace.” 
-  Deb Kastner (31 Devotions For Writers).

Love is Giving

That is what love does. It gives and keeps giving.

A few days ago, I was musing about how far people would go to put a smile on the face of someone they love. How much we are willing to sacrifice to make someone we love happy and fulfilled or simply to be there for that person. It was also overwhelming to note how much we desire to show the significant people in our lives that we love and care for them, and yet we hesitate and don’t do so as often as we ought to. It cuts across all our relationships: parent-child, husband-wife, friends, and siblings.

I read the story of a woman who, when she found that her 3-year old son had learning disabilities, gave up her dream of becoming a paediatrician to stay at home and help her son through school. She was at the verge of completing her specialization. The son now holds a degree in engineering. What a sacrifice.

Love is a verb, without an action, it is merely a word. Simply put, you cannot say you love someone without a commensurate action to demonstrate it. It is not simply what you feel, it is what you do. And one of the things that love does best is that it gives. Love makes a choice, a deliberate decision, to give. It is proactive—always looking for opportunities to give of itself. It takes action to deepen intimacy between you and your spouse. It is in full motion when it gives attention to a friend in need. Even the seemly small gestures enveloped in huge affection makes a lot of different.

 

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Love gives

It gives selflessly

It gives sacrificially

It gives unconditionally

We have a perfect example to follow:

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). God gave His best and most precious just for you and me. See what the given Son did:

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters” (1John 3:16). There is no greater love than for a man to lay down his life for the sake of his friends. Jesus gave up His glory in heaven when He came down to earth. Then he gave up His life for us on the cross at Calvary.

Oh! What great and awesome love that the Father has lavished on us that we should be called the children of God. For to us whom He gave his Son, He gives all things freely with him. Our heavenly Father and our Lord Jesus Christ demonstrated their love for us through what they gave for us.

“Love is what is left in a relationship when selfishness is taken out” 

– Nick Richardson

I know love is in the air this weekend as we observe the Valentine’s Day. But it should not be a test of how much your spouse or friend loves you, it should be about celebrating your marriage, your relationships and the life you share together with the significant people in your life. It should be about putting your love for them in action.

“I will stop expecting your love, demanding you love, trading for your love, gaming for your love. I will simply love. I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again. I suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before I am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.
God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you.

And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us.” – Donald Miller

Loving someone means we are willing to take a risk, to be vulnerable, to be open and to give our all. God took the same risk on you and me when He declared His faithful and undying love for us. I love the chorus of this old time song by the Gaither Vocal Band:

I am loved, I am loved
I can risk loving you
For the One who knows me best
Loves me most
I am loved, you are loved
Won't you please take my hand
We are free to love each other
We are loved

I can declare with all boldness, confidence and joy that I am truly loved:

I am loved by my Heavenly Father Whose love for me is beyond description.

I am loved by my Redeemer, Saviour and Friend, Who gave His life just for me.

I am loved by my dearest husband, whose love keeps giving and giving, who cares for me selflessly and supports me to be who God has called me to be. His twinkling smile brightens my world.

I am loved by my compassionate sons who never cease to amaze me. My personal stand-up comedians who make me laugh even when it was difficult to do so.

I am surrounded by our loving families—mine and my husband’s. The warmth of their care and love makes my heart glow with pride.

I am truly blessed with friends in deed. Friends who stick close through the thick and the thin. Friends who go the extra mile to be there for me. Friends who never cease to encourage me and bring the best out of me.

Today, I celebrate all my relationships and all the significant people God blessed my life with. And I ask you, dear friends, to do the same. Show your love, act your love and give of yourself to those you hold dear to your heart. It is only now when we have them that we can do so. When they are gone from us, we will have the memories of our time now sharing our love with them, to hold on to.

“The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they are still alive” – Orlando Battista.

I encourage you to show and tell your love to your loved ones today, this weekend and beyond. Do take time to cherish them now.

For my dearest husband:

I could never thank God enough for loving me so passionately and for extravagantly lavishing His love me. Perhaps, in my loving you for who you are and with all my heart, I may in a little way show to God, how grateful I am for His love and for blessing my life with you.

I love you and cherish today and for all times.